EMPIRE [h.s]

09

JUNE

I came back to my house stumbling, I had no strength anymore and the walk till here was the hardest walk of my life. It felt like I walked hours when I only walked 10 minutes.

I struggled to put my key into the lock. I couldn't keep my eyes opened because of all my crying and the punches. My eyes feel so heavy, I think I'm gonna have bruises there.

I entered my house and headed to the bathroom to see the mess he must have done on my face.

I climbed the stairs and fell a few time, I was so weak and my whole body was shaking from all that happened and the fear from Aiden hitting me I could still feel hours later.

I found my way to the bathroom and opened the door, when I finally arrived in front of the mirror I leaned on the counter, I was so scared to look up at myself, because I had no idea of how I was looking and I know seeing myself is gonna make the whole situation realer. I don't want to believe what happened, it feels surreal, I've never imagined once in my life that the man i loved could hit me, even pinch me.

When I finally get the nerve to look up I stumbled backward from what I saw. I look like a mess.

I look again at myself and saw that all my mouth and chin were covered in blood from my nosebleed. My bottom lips was opened and bloody too. I had bruises all over my jaw and some on my forehead. My left eye was bruised too, I think I'm gonna have a black-edged eye later. My cheeks were cut of and red. I had some cuts on my neck too.

I touched the back of my head and when I bring back my fingers in front of my eyes they were full of blood, certainly due to when my head hit the wall.

I was looking awful, how can someone who loves you do that to you ? how can human be so wrong to the people that care for them ?

I never thought once in my life that I would be beaten and left alone in an alley by the guy I loved.

I cleaned the blood of my face with water and tried to fix the cuts by disinfected them. I let out painful whines as I did so, my face feels sore, like I can't feel it anymore but at the same time i feel like being hit again every time I touch my face.

I took a shower to wash my thoughts and my injuries. I just sat there, in my shower, feeling empty, no tears are getting out of my eyes, I don't feel anything.

Once I was done with my shower I went to change myself into track pants and a large hoodie. I have bruises in other parts of my body and I don't want these guys to see them. More than that putting skinny clothes would put pressure on them and it would certainly hurt.

A few hours later after doing all i had to do, here I was, standing in the opening of my house, all my luggage waiting for me outside. I was looking at my house nostalgically already thinking that I will maybe never see it again because I know I will not be back alive leaving with these 5 men.

Nostalgia is one of my biggest issue. I am so nostalgic about everything. I can't enjoy the moment because the only time I enjoy myself these dark thoughts invade my head, I think about the fact that in a few minutes or a few hours all of this will be over and I will never live that again.

It's the felling that broke me the most in my entire life. It prevents me from enjoying life and looking back at the past with a smile on my face. When I look back at the memories the only thing I can feel is sadness and empty ness.

Looking at the house I thought about all the good memories that happened in here and it broke my heart.

My phone indicated that it was 7pm and that I needed to leave. I stepped out the house and locked the door, it was one of the most hearbreaking action I have ever made.

I went to my car and turned it on, I started driving but before getting out of the garden I gave a last look at my house, tears rolling down my face. What is waiting for me ?

I always trust people too quick and it always get back to me. I just can't help myself from seeing a great part in everyone but right know I do not trust the guys I am leaving with and I can't see good parts in people that try to take me away from my family.

I was driving and as I was not expecting it, a song I really didn't want to hear started playing

« taste like strawberries »

i have never been so quick to change a song
« fuck, what is it with this guy and car rides »I say to myself.

I was leaving with this guy in a few minutes and I have no idea why so listening to his songs was the last thing I wanted.

After driving for about 15 minutes in the town I caught a glimpse of the building I was driving to. My heart started to race, here I was, my death never been so close.

I parked at the same place we parked 7 months ago. It brought back memories of that night, the talk with the guys, Maya, Macy and Aiden... I really don't want to think about him right now.

I can't believe I need to do what I'm doing given the state of my mind right now. All I want and all I need is someone to be there for me after what I've been through. But this someone is definitely not gonna be Harry.

I started walking till the place Harry Styles told me to meet him. My palms became sweaty and my heart was beating faster and faster.

I turned to the left and almost jumped out of fright when I saw him standing against the door. He was alone, it was just Harry Styles and I in here and somehow it scared me even more to meet him alone face to face.

He still hasn't see me and I decide to keep it that way. I took this time to watch him from ajar, He was the same so good looking guy.

But he had changed from how he was looking 7 months ago. First he was not wearing a suit but skinny black jeans and a black oversize hoodie with nothing on it and cute black converses, like me.

His hair was a little bit shorter now but his face was the same. He somehow looked a bit more sculpted than before, he just seems stronger.
He is also wearing sunglasses. I realised how I analysed him months ago to see all the changes.

He reminded me of the man I saw at the hospital months ago. I totally forgot this man before today. He was dressed exactly as that Harry, and it scared me but I didn't pay too much attention to it.

Harry is smoking and when he put the cigarette between his lips to take a drag of it I could see that he was wearing black chipped nail polish and rings on all of his fingers expect his middle a pointer finger of his right hand. The corners of my mouth lifted to seeing the similarities between us, I always wear black high converses, rings on almost all my fingers and black nail polish, that's the only colour I wear except for the summer.

He was leaning against the wall behind him while writing something on his phone.

« Are you staring at me ? that's creepy » I heard the British accent I haven't heard for a long time. I jump out of surprise when I hear him talk and I could feel my checks going there tints darker due to my embarrassment.

Oh fuck, great June not awkward at all.

I came out of the wall I was hiding behind, I saw him turned his head to look at me, he puts his sunglasses on the top of his head and his eyes meet mine.

These magnificent green eyes that I've never forgot about.

That's it, that's the moment, my life is going down in hell right now but I'm ready to do it to keep my family safe.