Some Things Cannot Be Fixed, They Can Only Be Carried

Chapter 2) Tears; They Make You Suffer Less

I nod slowly. "He's actually doing a lot better than he did a week ago," I admit, smiling carefully.

"Good," Gou whispers, but she doesn't sound relieved at all.

We all go silent, too silent.

Even Haruka, who generally really enjoys silence, seems to think otherwise; suddenly starting to grunt and mutter softly about a minute after everyone went silent.

There's another whimper, more high-pitched, and clearly not coming from Haruka.

It's coming from Rin, who's staring down at his lap.

He looks devastated while trying to hold back his tears and failing miserably.

"Why, Haru?" he whispers, his nails digging into his sweatpants. "Why couldn't you just w-win?"

I frown, not knowing what he's talking about. Winning or losing a contest isn't part of this. Their rivalry isn't part of this.

Rin looks at Haruka, and when their eyes meet he starts sobbing even louder. "I shouldn't have made that bet—" He shakes his head. "—I'm sorry."

I bite on the inside of my cheek; so he feels guilty as well? While he didn't even have a part in all of this. I was the one who failed at giving Haruka proper CPR, while all he did was compete against him in the thing Haruka loved the most. That's not a bad thing, right?

"It was a natural occurrence," I tell Rin, like the nurses told me, hoping to maybe make him stop crying. "You couldn't have kept it from happening, even if you'd wanted."

Rin gets on his feet without a warning. His chair flies backwards, causing a deafening sound that makes Haruka jump in terror.

I rest my hand on Haruka's leg, squeezing him lightly to comfort him; there's no reason to be scared.

A tear slips down Rin's red, blotchy face as he points at Haruka, who's rolling his eyes up at the ceiling with a gaping mouth. "You call this natural!?"

I tense up and look away; of course it's not a normal thing. Seeing Haruka like this, it seems completely unnatural. But, as many nurses explained to me, getting a stroke is something that can happen to anyone at any given moment. Haruka was just unfortunate enough to get it during a swimming competition.

"I-I just can't understand how you can stand seeing him like this!" Rin forms fists with his hands.

I can't.

"And if this is how he's going to be, I'm thinking it would've been better--" Rin's knuckles are slowly going from bright red to pale yellow. "-- it would've been better if he had just died."

Breath gets caught in my throat, causing me to make a pained gasp; how could he say something like that? So carelessly. Right in front of Haruka.

"Rin!" Gou's voice is loud and clear, but vulnerable. "Please, stop this."

Rin looks at Haruka one more time, crying as he takes in the sight of what's left of the rivalry, the friendship, he used to cherish. His words and tone make it clear; he won't be cherishing it anymore.

"J-Just," he whispers, shaking his head a couple of times. "Good luck with whatever's left to come." He turns away. "But I can't just sit by and watch Haru live out his life like this." He storms off, on the foot followed by Gou. She politely excuses her brother before heading into the hallway with Rin.

I can still hear her calling his name even after the door is closed. I stare at the door, hearing their voices get further and further away until they completely disappear.