Some Things Cannot Be Fixed, They Can Only Be Carried

Chapter 2) Tears; They Make You Suffer Less

"Isn't that fun?" I smile sadly, swallowing thickly.

Fun. The word almost makes me nauseous, because instead of having fun like I did previously, I'm now just feeling numb. I talk and talk, I sit here and wait for something to happen; I could wait another day, another week or month. God, I could be sitting here on this mildly uncomfortable chair, listening to my own voice blabber on and on about useless things for years.

So much more time, just hoping and praying for my best friend to come back to me. Expecting him to walk into my home uninvited, every second that I'm not sitting here to see the view of devastation.

I close my eyes briefly, holding Haruka's hand tightly while imagining the two of us just holding hands out in the streets. It's not even something we did when Haruka was living a normal life.

I always wanted to hold his hand in mine, the amount of times I dreamt about it is almost unbearable. But never had I imagined I'd be holding his hand in the hospital, only able to hold his in mine tightly since he's too far gone to even notice; to accidently find out about my feelings.

"Fun," I repeat silently, barely able to be heard above the noise the various machines are making.

What can be heard is a knock on the door. It's also not very loud, so it doesn't startle Haruka like some other sounds do from time to time, but I can just hear it.

"Come in," I reply, raising my voice to a level that should be audible outside in the hallway.

The door slides open, carefully and slowly, and one of Haruka's nurses appears in the doorway. She's got a kind smile plastered on her face, unlike most other times I've seen her enter.

"I've got visitors for the both of you," she says in a cheerful tone; almost too happy to be appropriate.

She steps aside, revealing the two redheads who are standing behind her.

Gou's holding a balloon in the shape of a dolphin and flowers she probably bought at the gift shop downstairs. And her older brother's holding a light blue envelope with Haruka's name written on it to his chest to keep his hands from trembling any more than they are doing now.

I put on a smile, greeting them with a "good afternoon" like I normally would when I'd run into them at school. Or at least, that's how I'm trying to sound, though my raspy voice isn't helping.

But I don't think, or rather I'm sure, their shocked expressions aren't because of my terrible-sounding voice. I look from them to Haruka, who's glaring at something or someone, but in their direction. His mouth is slightly opened causing him to start salivating again.

With a strange heaviness in my stomach, I reach for the towel, using it to wipe away the drool.

When I look back at Gou and Rin, I'm not surprised to see that there are already tears running over Rin's cheeks. I get it, and I can't say I didn't cry the first time I saw Haruka doing that. Because even though I knew he wasn't doing great the first time a saw him, the fact that a mere ten minutes rendered him unable to even swallow properly by himself really hurts me.

"So—" I avert my glance from the two of them. "Why don't you sit down, there's enough space."

I casually gesture at the multiple chairs placed around Haruka's bed, because we were awaiting their arrival. That is one of the nice things about Haruka being on a regular ward. They actually gave him a small room to himself, where we can privately sit down and talk to him.

"T-Thank you," Gou stammers, clumsily pulling her distracted brother along with her when walking over to the two chairs standing at the end of Haruka's bed. "Is this how he's been since—"