The (w)hole in my heart

31

Ethan opened his eyes widely in shock, "Excuse me what?!"
"I think we should give Olivia the baby we're expecting."
"Why?!"
"Because she's right, she deserves to have a baby and she wants one so bad and she would be an amazing mother, I'm sure she would and we really didn't plan on having another one..."
"Look I'm sure she would be great mother and that she deserves it but that doesn't mean we have to give her our baby!"
"I know. But can you imagine how long it would take if they wanted to adopt some other baby, that would take ages. But like this it would be right now..."
"Right, sure, okay. Look I think you're just tired and not thinking clearly, I think you need to get some rest and then we can talk about it tomorrow, if you'll still want..."
"No, I'm not tired, this is not some hasty and irrational decision, I've been thinking about it all day."
"Exactly, all day that was very tyring, emotionally and physically."
"No, really, I thought about it thoroughly and I made my mind."
"So, you're actually telling me that you want to give our baby to someone else."
"Yes."
Ethan couldn't believe what he just heard, he just started at Susan unable to say anything. Then he just said fine through his teeth and turned to his other side, so they laid back-to-back, which they almost never did.

Next few day were very quiet at their home, the only noise was made by Victor and Wendy, Ethan talked just with kids, with Susan only when it was necessary. Susan didn't pay much attention to it first but when it lasted for a week, she really started to feel the tension between them. She didn't want that of course, she felt bad about it, she knew what created the tension and decided to fix it, so she asked Lucy to watch Victor and Wendy one day.
Ethan went down the stairs and to the door. He was reaching for his jacket, when Susan spoke.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm meeting with Ted in the pub, kids are not home, so I'm not leaving you with them by yourself. Bye." He said and kept putting on his jacket.
"I know kids aren't home, that's on purpose, so we could talk..."
"About what?"
"About the baby..." Ethan still didn't look convinced to stay. "Please, this tension between us is awful, don't you think?"
"Yeah, it is but I'm not to sure what you want to talk about." He said but took off his jacket and headed to living room.
"About what we talked that one night."
"Why?" he said as he sat on the other side of the couch then Susan was sitting on.
"So, I could explain it to you, so you'd understand and started to support me."
"I think you already said enough."
"Come on Ethan, be cooperative, talk to me, it's your baby too..."
"EXACTLY!" he shouted angrily and jumped out of the couch. "It's my baby too but you decided by yourself and just told me that you made up your mind, you presented me with a fait accompli! You didn't want to talk about it then, so what changed now?! Why you want to talk about it now?!"
"Because I see that you're angry and I don't want that, I want to explain to you why I decided to do that, I want you to understand me!"
"And are you willing to hear me out too? Are you willing to admit the chance to change your mind?!"
"Of course, I'm willing to hear you out."
"But you're not gonna change your mind?" he didn't yell anymore but his voice was still very angry.
"I don't know."
"Then why do we need to talk about it?"
"We do! Please."
"Fine. Talk."
"I really thought about it a lot and I think it's the best thing to do, because this might be the only chance for Olivia to have a baby and she does deserve it. And it's not so uncommon, people give up babies all the time..."
"Yeah, but we're not some teens who accidentally got knocked up and now don't know what to do with it! Or some junkies who couldn't take care of the child!"
"I know that. But we already have two kids and Olivia doesn't have a single one."
"But that is not our fault! And there are other babies out there who needs home, you said it yourself, and those babies actually need better and safe home but our child has a good home and loving family!"
"I know- "
"Or you think it wouldn't? You think I'm not a good father? You think I couldn't take care of you?"
"No! of course not, it doesn't have anything to do with you. You're great father. But there are people who would also be great parents but they can't, because they don't have a baby and Olivia and her husband are one of them and I want to change that. They will be good parents to that kid!"
"Our kid! We will be good parents to our kid too! And they can adopt some baby who doesn't have parents! and not some that has both loving parents and two loving siblings!"
"Adoption takes such a long time and they can't wait so long. And if they will get baby from someone who picked them, it will be certain that they will get it!"
"How can you even think about giving up your child? Won't you miss it? It's your child, you're talking about!"
"It's not my child, not yet, now it's just a baby and it will be Olivia's baby, so I won't be giving it up..."
"What? A baby? Is that how you thought about Victor and Wendy? Or just Victor, because he wasn't planed? Don't you want to go and give him to someone outside?"
"No of course not! How you even say that?"
"How can you say that it's not our baby?! What that even make us? What are you? just a surrogate?! And what am I? sperm doner?" he shouted again.
This remark made Susan angry as well and she shouted back at him, "Why are you even complaining? It doesn't concern you, you should be just happy that I'm gonna have big boobs and don't care about it anymore!"
"I'm sorry?! That's what you think of me? You think I'm that shallow? If so, why did you even marry me in the first place? And it also makes me question who I married, because the girl I loved and married would never talk to someone like that!"
After that the silence filled the room for a moment, then Ethan spoke again, "Well, are you happy we had the conversation? I think it went great, exactly as I expected, you didn't change your mind, I don't know why I even bothered. But you're explaining it to Victor yourself, I don't agree with it so you have to deal with all the things around yourself. Good luck with that, because he now knows that when you get big you eventually come home with baby!" he finished grabbed his jacked and slammed the door behind him.