Now I know you

Chapter 8: Another Mom

Alex

    I ran to the bathroom in the building outside the warehouse as quickly as I could. Everything's happening so fast. I don't know what to do. I stare at my reflection in the mirror. It looks distorted and blurred. Then I realize that's because of the tears crowding my eyes. I try taking deep breaths like I do after a "friendly" chat with Father. Father. Where is he? What happened? Does he know what I did, will I be able to fake it still? Is he even still alive? The question sent a shudder through me. If he's dead then, I don't have any parents. That thought reminds me of my Mom and I sink to the ground.

*****

    "Come here Alex," said Mrs. Stevenson. The one thing keeping her together was her son, Alex. Alex didn't know then, but soon found out after finding a letter his Mother never had the chance to mail a few years after she died.

    "Mama," 5-year-old Alex yelled, running to his Mom a few feet away.

She embraced him, "I love you Alex, I think I might be broken."

"Mama break?" Alex asked.

"You can fix me, I know you can. I just have to hold out until you're older."

"Fix mama?"

"Yes," she whispered, tears coming to her eyes, "fix Mama." Alex's Mom looked out into the distance and muttered, "only a little longer, then everything can get better."

"Better?"

"Yes, soon it'll get better." A few weeks later Alex's Mom jumped off a bridge and died.

*****

    Alex stood back up and blurrily looked at himself in the mirror. She said I could have helped her if I was a little older. What if I had done something, maybe I could have helped. A part of me reminded myself that I was a very stupid 5-year-old, I didn't understand. I pushed that thought away. I stare at the sink and try the water, but it doesn't work. I wish it did than I could drown myself in it. I don't deserve to live. Even if I was older than I probably couldn't save Mom, just like I couldn't save Zach. Zach. No, he doesn't want me. There's no way he does. He's probably thinking how much he wished for me to be gone. Maybe he'll get his Dad to do it. Or his Mom, she's seems like she wouldn't mind at all. There's that voice in the back of my head that tells that Zach really does love me, but, again, I don't listen. I punch the sink so hard that me knuckles nearly crack. I stare at the mirror, what I see horrifies me. I see myself, but I'm a monster and Zach is behind me, dead.

    "Alex," I recognize that voice, it's Zach. I look at him through the mirror Zach's behind me, but he's not dead. He's actually looking better. He seems just strong enough to walk. "I love you."

    I listen to him say this and I think, does he love me or was I pretending to be someone else? I begin to shake as that thought sinks, if that's true then no one loves you. That's how it's been the rest of my life, what's different about now? The second I think it I know the answer, because now this time I love Zach.

    "Alex," Zach says, quietly, "please, come here. I can help."

    I lean my elbows against the sink, put my head in my hands and whisper, "how do you know you can? Do you even know me?"

    I can't see him, but I hear Zach walk up to me. Walks in between the sinks, "we can work something out Alex, I know we can." A few tears slip and Zach leans down and lifts my chin, so I'm looking right at him, "Alex, I love you, I promise I'll do anything I can to help you. I'll never leave your side."

    When Zach says this I think of my Mother, she said I could help her. Could Zach help me? Could he be to me, what I couldn't be to my Mother? At the thought of Mom I break down into Zach's arms and cry. Zach tries to hide it, but I can tell I hurt his cut. "Sorry," I mumble, through sobs.