Listen to the Words

March 8, 1999

Wilmington, Delaware 

The desk in front of him was empty. Its wooden surface had been written on and cleaned; its seat had been carved into and shoved back and forth. But the important thing was that it was empty. And it had been empty for a long time.

stupid fat grotesquely ugly....

Mike Miller sat in the desk in front of the empty desk. Every day, they passed their homework to the front of the room. Every day, Jason had to remind Mike to turn around and reach for his paper. He could never remember on his own, and then seemed insulted that he had to be told.

stupid stupid stupid you actually got that one wrong? what are you, borderline retarded?

He hardly spoke in math anymore, because those were the only words he had ever said. Every day, under his breath, with an occasional glance at the teacher to be sure he wasn't detected. Like an addiction.

The bell rang, and he gathered his books. He got up and left the room, following the crowd into the hall.

At his locker, he grabbed his jacket and The Grapes of Wrath and slammed the steel door. The locker next to his hung open. He pushed its door aside and glanced at its shelves. Definitely empty.

stupid stupid... god get away from me why don't you ever wash your hair...

He walked down the hall. Rob Lewis came around a corner, and Jason grabbed his arm. "Does Jenny need a ride home?"

"I don't know," Rob said.

"Well does she or not? Should I wait?"

"I said I don't know."

Rob left, and Jason went to an outside door, pushed it open and left the building. As he crossed the grass to the parking lot, the memory of his own voice repeated in his head: stupid stupid ugly you look like a freak....

Like it was an addiction.

He jogged across the parking lot to his car, got in and threw his stuff into the back seat. He watched the clock. He turned the key and decided Jenny wasn't coming. Just as he backed out of the parking space, she ran into sight in the rearview mirror.

"Will you just have Rob tell me if you want me to drive you?" he said, as she collapsed into the car.

"I never know in the morning," she said. "It's like a 50/50 chance."

"I almost ran you over."

He backed up and drove across the parking lot, out of the gates and onto the road.

He turned on the radio, and The Spice Girls blasted out of the speakers. He sang along at the top of his voice, as if he really seriously loved The Spice Girls, and Jenny shook with laughter. It didn't take much effort to amuse her.

He turned onto Imogene and halted the car. Jenny opened her door, still laughing, slammed it closed, and Jason drove away.

When he got home, he parked in the driveway, gathered his books and went in. He left his stuff on the couch and went to the kitchen. The phone cord was stretched from the wall to the table. His mom held the receiver to her ear, and her on-the-phone voice cascaded up and down. He lifted the cord over his head and went to the refrigerator. He popped open a soda and ducked back under the cord.

In the living room, he clicked on the TV and the Nintendo. Mortal Kombat's opening titles appeared on the screen. He decided to play as Kintaro, sat on the floor and leaned back onto the couch.

An hour later, he sat up straight. He'd reached Goro, and he'd never reached Goro. If he could defeat Goro he'd really have something to talk about at lunch tomorrow.... He glanced at the clock. Five minutes until his father came home... five minutes to defeat Goro.