⋱𓂅 𝐓𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐃.

𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞.

𑁍┊사랑병 ˎˊ˗

( xxv. drifting away )

with the month of may ending, and june springing in, there were in fact four things that were on bennett's mind: graduation, prom, venti's party, and... razor.

it should really be three things— everything but the final. it was almost ironic how the final one was what was truly clouding his thoughts.

bennett could not help but feel bad about the way he was sort of losing his cool on his most recent livestream. his fans didn't sense it, but his friends likely did. he was sure that razor had noticed too.

and that must've provoked razor to reveal his name and sexuality to the internet.

no, bennett was overthinking again. it's something he does quite often, though, it is just as common for him to act on impulse and underthink things. the blonde was aware of both of these flaws.

yet, he still hasn't learned.

at the moment, bennett is not actively conscious about the fact that he is avoiding razor. he's simply leaving him alone for a bit. the boyfriends incident was enough to set his heart aflame; every time he thought about that night his heart would flutter, cheeks heating in a fiery flush. the times they texted each other and learned things about each other, the moment they shared at the park with all of his dogs— these were things bennett thought of every day.

the blonde had curled up in his bed, furret by his side— the little things and big things that he and razor had done clouded his mind. it was too much to bear. he grasped his bedsheets, burying his head into a pillow. snow-colored hair floated atop the pillowcase as a fine moon mist. what was love? why was his stomach churning and heart aching for absolutely no reason?

"i'm so stupid," bennett says to himself quietly, voice muffled by the pillow. he spoke lowly; he knew his dads were asleep.

"why am i so stupid," he said slightly louder. furret chattered in confusion beside him.

razor's grey eyes.

razor's grey hair.

razor's small grins and giggles and smiles.

razor's faint muscles.

razor's nimble fingers.

razor's dark circles.

razor's kind, tired soul.

bennett had swooned. but there was no logical explanation— why was he now crying on this rainy may night?

tears stained the pillowcase and wet strands of bennett's hair. it was stupid. this was all so stupid. why did he like this guy so much anyway? and why did he say that he and razor would never be more than friends? that's not what bennett wants. he knows deep down that is not what he wants.

bennett wants to go to razor's house all the time, and play with klee and bring flowers for lisa. bennett wants to hold razor's hands and kiss them. bennett wants razor to lend him his clothes sometimes, be held in his arms before dozing off to sleep.

to kiss...

tears streamed down the snow-haired boy's cheeks as ever flowing rain. no matter how hard he tried to stop himself, bennett only kept crying— endlessly. muffled sobs and the light sound of teardrops falling onto the fabric were all to be heard. but it made no sense for bennett to be crying, it made no sense for tears to fall on that rainy may night. but right now, there's something therapeutic about crying— perhaps, even beautiful.

he found himself smiling through the tears, thinking of how wonderful razor was. but then, how he didn't deserve him. but then, how amazing it was to even be close to him. and yet again, he'd divert his good thoughts away, as they morphed into bad ones.

bennett concluded that he was a mess, and laughed to himself through the sobs, not daring to move his head from his pillow, quieting himself down when need be.

he decided to message the wolf-like boy on the other side of the world before drifting off to sleep.

what did it matter anyway though? he'll quit thinking about him sooner or later if he kept a distance.

yeah, keep a distance.

-

1:31 AM

bennettslifesucks
hey! sleep well okay?

⚠️ | message not delivered!

-

bennettslifesucks

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a/n:
poor kids they are in love and don't know what to do

oh also, if you're reading this at the time it's published, you're gonna get the next chapter in like ... under a minute

i was listening to time adventure while writing this so i cried a little bit :(

question of the day:
have you ever lost the 50/50 and to who did you lose to?

i have not lost the 50/50 (yet) i hope i dont but i'm probably jinxing myself just by saying this