DELICATE ★ JENLISA

Chapter 28

"Welcome back, Jen."

Aubrey stood in front of me with a half-hearted smile on her face, though I knew it was to mask the anxiety she probably felt. She had a difficult time controlling the girls to begin with, but with me around it was much, much worse.

"Yeah I'm happy to be here," I muttered, tightening my hold on the strap of my duffle bag. "I missed the ridicule."

"There will be none of that this time around, I promise."

I brushed past her. "Don't make promises you can't keep, Aubrey."

I stopped in the middle of the room, looking around to see nine girls that I knew standing  in the entrances of the other rooms and two that I had never met. Bianca was standing by the stairs with her arms crossed. "Look who's back," she said. "Did you miss us that much?"

Aubrey walked into the house and stopped behind me. "Leave her be Bianca."

She raised her hands in the air. "Hey, it was just a question. I'm not sure why she'd choose to live here over her fancy new home with her rich new parents."

I tightened my fists, taking a deep breath. "For your information, Bianca, I spent the last two years in a fancy house with my rich adoptive parents being abused, most recently with broken glass, just so I didn't have to deal with you and your posse of suck ups."

She seemed a bit surprised but shook it away. "I find that hard to believe. Didn't look you were having all that bad of a time when you were golfing with your girlfriend. You're telling me you were being abused then?"

I gritted my teeth. "I'm pretty good at masking my pain."

"I think you're pretty good at making up stories--"

Aubrey sighed and muttered under her breath behind me, "I missed this too." She paused and then spoke again. "Enough, Bianca. Do all of us a favor and go upstairs."

"Yes boss," she smirked. "Anything for you."

As soon as Bianca left, the whispering started. I looked around to see ten pairs of eyes on me, excluding Aubrey's. Hers were focused on the other girls. "What are you all looking at? Go on. Go to your rooms."

They hardly listened to her, but after a while they moved on and left Aubrey and I alone. She ran a hand over her face. "I'm not going to make the mistake of bunking you with Bianca this time. There's an empty bed in Aria's room. You two get along, right?"

"If by get along you mean drive each other crazy, sure, we get along."

Aubrey sighed. "Well I don't have any other options. I'm sorry, but it's tight as it is. You have to make it work with her."

"Yeah, because I'm the problem."

"That's not what I'm saying, I just know you're more reasonable than she is and I need you to try for me because I'm tired of the fighting."

"Me too Aubrey," I sighed, starting up the stairs. It felt as if there were a pair of eyes on me everywhere I looked. I hated it. It made my skin crawl. But there was nothing I could do. I had to deal with it for the next three months.

I had left a lot of my things in Charles's house because I didn't need to draw any more attention to myself by bringing more than my clothes into the group home. These girls didn't have anything else except for the occasional cell phone that they weren't even supposed to have and maybe a book or two. I kept my cellphone hidden because I needed it and I couldn't get it taken away. I needed to talk to Lisa or I would drive myself insane, and I knew Charles had probably stopped paying the bill so I was nervous for the day when I ran out of service.

It was a Tuesday and I didn't have to work so I lied in bed for hours. Aria wasn't in the room, thankfully, so I had it to myself for a while. Eventually I had to go downstairs for dinner which was horrible because everyone carried on their personal conversations, only they weren't personal because they were about me. I tried not to listen, but it was hard not to hear. Before I knew what I was doing, I was downstairs, kneeling by the spot in the basement that held my bad memories.

I lost track of time. My mind was swarming with images of Chahee, before and after she was gone. Aubrey found me with my head in my hands, shaking back and forth. Things were supposed to be getting better and yet I felt like I was getting worse. I needed something to hold on to. I had Lisa but I had to be honest with myself. How long was that going to last? She worried about me, sure, but what would happen when she didn't have a reason to worry about me?

"Jen..." Aubrey trailed off, kneeling down and helping me sit up. "You shouldn't be down here."

"This is where it happened...." I whispered, letting my hand move over the cool stone. Aubrey pulled me into her but I couldn't feel any relief.

"It's going to be okay..."

"People keep saying that... but it's not going to be okay. It wasn't okay for her. It wasn't okay for Chahee."

Aubrey looked down. "I know Jen, I know. I'm so sorry."

"I need to get out of this house."

"You'll be eighteen soon."

I shook my head. "Not soon enough."

****

I sat at Lisa's kitchen counter, cherishing the time I could spend in her apartment. If I was with her, it meant I wasn't with them. Even if being in Lisa's apartment meant talking to June about the case, I wouldn't rather be anywhere else.

"I know Charles's defense attorney. He's a snake. He won't lose a case, it doesn't matter what he has to do. This is not good."

"Why don't you continue telling her bad news, June? It's actually really helpful." Lisa frowned, looking at me. I stared through her.

"This entire case is bad news, Lisa. I can't exactly do anything else. She has to hear it."

"She doesn't have to hear anything--"

"I am right here," I bit, looking down. "This may be a child abuse case but I am not a child, and you don't need to refer to me like I'm not even in the room."

"Sorry," Lisa muttered, "June, can you win this case?"

"I can," he said confidently, running a hand through his dirty blonde hair and pacing back and forth. "Okay, he'll undoubtedly try to make Charles look like one, a respected member of society and two, a caring father. He's a good lawyer, he knows how to manipulate a jury into believing what he wants them to believe. But as long as Lisa testifies, we have more than just Jen's word that Charles has seriously hurt her on more than one occasion... that it wasn't just an accident one time. That means we have a good chance."

"We need more than a chance, June. Charles has to be punished."

"I'm doing everything I can, Lisa. I put all my other clients on hold because you asked me for this. Give me a break, okay?"

"Lisa," I said, "Just stop. He knows what he's doing."

She stared at me, trying to find the right words to say. It was like she knew what was happening inside of my head. She didn't even know about Chahee, but with the look she was giving me, it was almost like she did. Ever since I'd moved back into the group home, I felt detached- from her, from my life. I was drowning myself in sadness and I knew she could tell.

June spoke, looking at Lisa. "How many different instances can you count that Jen has been bruised or injured in any way?"

Lisa broke her gaze from me and shook her head, looking down. "Uh.... the black eye... her wrist, then her stomach.. and then her stomach again, with the glass. Four."

June nodded. "Good." Lisa looked at him with annoyance. "Good?"

He stepped forward, sighing. "Yes, good. It's good for her case, Lisa, therefore it's good for her. It might not have been then, but it is now. I think you need to go take a walk or something, okay?"

"June--"

"Lisa," I interjected, sighing. "You should go take a walk."

Lisa's eyes burned into mine but she finally just nodded, biting her cheek and heading towards the door. She picked up her jacket, took one last look at me, and then she was gone.

June sighed. "She's just worried about you, and for good reason. But we're never going to get through this case if she doesn't let me do my job."

I leaned my cheek on my palm. "I know. Where were we?"

June and I continued talking, though he did most of it. I zoned in and out until he finally called it a day, bidding his goodbye to me just as Lisa was re-entering her apartment. She slowly padded over to where I was sitting, taking the seat next to me. "Jen, I need you to talk to me."

"What about?"

"You've been acting... so different ever since they sent you back--"

"Yeah well what the hell do you expect?" She leaned back, surprised, and I sighed. "You'd understand if you were there."

She leaned closer to me again, placing her hand on my knee and meeting my eyes. She whispered, "I just want to help... what are you going through?"

"You can't help, Lisa. It's the house that I'm living in and the people that are living in it with me. There's nothing you can do to change how I feel when I'm around them."

"So what can I do?" I just shook my head, letting it rest on top of my hands on the counter. I spoke, "Hey you know something?"

"What?"

"My family passed away thirteen years ago this Saturday."

She stared at me, exhaling heavily. I was certain that that was not what she had been expecting me to say. She swallowed. "Should I be concerned that I've never heard you sound as empty as you just did when you said that?"

"No," I muttered, sliding off of the stool. "I'm always this empty. I just hide it."

She frowned and stood up, stopping me in my tracks. The look on her face hurt me. Lisa let her hand cup my cheek. "Jen, you are so close to being done with all of this. Don't give up now. Please, I need you to smile, just once so I know you're still in there."

I hardly lifted the corners of my lips but spoke anyway. "There, better?"

"No," she frowned. "It won't be better until you're happy."

"Then it won't be better for a while," I muttered. "Listen um, I was thinking.. of um, visiting my parents' graves for the first time on Saturday. I don't know where they're buried, only Cate does, but I didn't have the courage to go last year."

She pulled her lips together. "Are you sure you want to do that? I don't know if you can handle anymore sadness."

"The day is already sad," I mumbled. "But going there might give me some peace of mind. I'm not telling you so you can talk me out of it. I'm telling you because I want you to come with me."

She stood there, seemingly shocked, before nodding. "I'd love to come with you. And I wasn't trying to talk you out of it. I think that's a wonderful idea."

I turned to go because I knew my curfew was in less than a half an hour and I had to get back to the group home or I'd have a problem. Lisa pulled me back though, placing her hands on my arms and letting them trail down until her hands were in mine. "You're almost there Jen. You've made it this far. Please, don't let whatever they're saying get to you."

"It's impossible not to."

She sighed, brushing my palm with her thumb. "Do me a favor. Whenever you hear someone say something bad that makes you upset, force yourself to think of something that makes you happy." I was about to scoff but she could tell and she made me look at her. "I know you say there's not much that makes you happy. There didn't used to be for me either after my mom died. But when I started to think about her, I forced myself to think about the good times that we had together. It helped... sometimes."

"You still do that?"

"No," she said, looking at me. "Well yes, sometimes. Sometimes I think about how happy we used to be. But it's better to live in the present." She paused. "So now I think about you."

My head shot up and she tilted her head, trying to smile. "Will you do that for me?"

I nodded, staying silent. She leaned down and brought my lips to hers, lingering for a moment before I pulled away. She tasted sweet. I whispered, "Can I think about my beach house in Malibu?" I pulled my hands out of hers and made a gesture. "You're there. In a bikini."

She laughed. "Sure."

"Okay." I turned and headed towards her front door, opening it and stepping into the hallway. She rested her body against the doorframe. "I'll see you?"

I nodded and managed a smile. "I'll see you. If you'll excuse me, I have a hot blonde in a bikini to be thinking about."

She laughed again and nodded me off, not taking her eyes off of me until I was out of view.

She had made me smile, and for that I was grateful, but I doubted that even thinking about her would be able to distract me.

In that group home, I was alone, and there was nothing Lisa could do to change that.

****

Saturday arrived very, very slowly. I had started to look forward to going to school because it meant that I didn't have to be home with eleven girls that seemed to have nothing better to do than talk about me right in front of my face. They all went to the high school closest to the group home, but I wasn't going to let myself be forcibly taken from the only thing that I still had left. I was able to see Lisa everyday, even if it was just to listen to her drone on and on about food chains and biomagnification and biology in general.

I understood why she wished she had a different job.

Then again, she did major in biology which meant that she had to get some enjoyment out of it.

The two of us were currently sitting in her car outside of Charles's house. I didn't want to come back but I needed the address of the cemetery and the only one that had that information was Cate. Besides, Charles had a court order to stay away from me until at least the preliminary hearing. I opened the passenger door, turning to Lisa. "Stay in the car. I'll be right back."

"Are you out of your mind?"

"Charles's not going to touch me Lisa. He can't unless he definitely wants to be put in prison. He might not even be in there."

She shook her head, unbuckling her seatbelt. "I couldn't care less about what he can't do. He's already done something he can't do. I'm going inside with you."

I just sighed, letting her trail behind me into the house. I didn't bother knocking. Cate was sitting at the kitchen counter with her glasses on, scribbling on a piece of paper. "Cate."

She looked up, her eyes widening when she saw me and getting up, running over to hug me. I narrowed my eyes at her and fell back into the safety of Lisa's arms. "Back up Cate, I'm not here for you."

"Jen--"

"You lied to the police."

She shook her head. "I didn't lie--"

"Refusing to tell them that Charles beats me for fun is just as good as lying, so yeah, yeah you did." I shook my head, exhaling. "Hey whatever happened to that thing my dad asked of you? You know, when he called you the night he suffocated in a burning house to tell you that he wanted you to be my mom? To take care of me? To make sure I was safe?"

Lisa squeezed my shoulders from behind, reminding me both that she was there and that I should probably calm down a little bit. Cate took a step back, letting her mouth open even though no words were coming out. "Look I don't want to be here Cate. I just want to know where my parents are buried."

Her brow creased. "What?"

"I'm pretty sure I said that clear enough. Just tell me where their graveyard is so I can go."

"Uh.. I don't know."

I narrowed my eyes. "What? Don't bullshit me Cate, you have to know where they buried your husband."

She turned away from me, rubbing the back of her neck. "Yeah, but uh, it's too far from here. You don't want to go all the way out there."

I looked at Lisa, giving her the same 'what the fuck' look that she was giving me. I looked down at myself, making a gesture with my hands. "Well, as far as I know... I'm here, asking you for the address to my parents' graveyard, you know, so I can go visit them. I'm pretty damn sure I want to go all the way out there."

She shook her head. "But it'll only make today worse--"

"Cate!" I shouted, the aggravation clear on my face. "I wasn't asking you. Give me the damn address. This is my family we're talking about and I deserve to be able to visit them."

She looked at me for a while before sighing, grabbing a piece of paper and writing down an address off the top of her head.

And she tried to tell me that she didn't know?

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

She shook her head, handing me the paper. "Nothing. See you later."

I gave her the most irritated look ever, taking the paper from her hands and pushing Lisa out the door. "I have honestly never had a stranger encounter than that one."

Lisa nodded. "That was weird."

She slipped into the driver's seat and started the car, typing the address into her phone. She put it down on the console for me to see that Cate wasn't lying, it was far. Two hours to be exact. I wasn't sure why that was; my old house was only about a half an hour from the town we lived in now. I looked at Lisa. "You don't have to drive me. I can get a cab."

She started driving, merely shaking her head. "It'd take you those two hours alone to find a cab. I want to come, Jen. You asked me to."

I didn't feel like responding so I stared out the window, watching the time pass by as we drove on and on. Eventually Lisa pulled up to a cemetery and parked, stepping out after I did. I looked around, bracing myself. I knew they weren't alive and I knew they were buried underneath one of these tombstones, I just wasn't sure if actually seeing it would hurt more. Lisa trailed behind me silently as I walked through the rows, searching for the names of my family. It seemed to take ages, but my eyes finally scanned over the tombstones of Minzy Daniels and Marcus Kim.

I sat down in the dirt between their tombstones, staring at the ground. I could feel Lisa's presence behind me but I didn't say anything until she did. "I'll give you some space."

She walked away, sitting on the bench by the small lake a good distance away. I let my hand trail over the smooth surface of my mom's tombstone, and then my dad's. "Hey you guys," I whispered, looking down. "Long time no see... how've you been?"

I waited, as if I would hear them talking back to me. Then I spoke. "Oh I'm doing great." My bottom lip trembled. "Yep, your little bunny is doing just fine."

I looked at my dad's tombstone and exhaled. "I hate to break it to you but your wife got re-married to piece of shit."

I nodded, as if he had answered me. "Don't worry, he'll be in prison soon. I'm okay, aside from you know, my mental state, my physical state... and everything else in between. But... I'm still here and I have someone for now." I paused. "Her name is Lisa." I tried to laugh. "Surprise, I'm gay."

I looked back at Lisa to see her gazing out into the lake, briefly turning her head to meet my eyes. She must've seen how broken I looked because her expression shifted. I turned back to my dad's tombstone. "She's the only thing keeping me going." I shook my head. "I keep seeing Chahee everywhere. She used to be the only thing keeping me going."

I let the first tear fall. "Now she's gone too."

I felt Lisa's hands on my shoulders and I flinched, turning to see her kneeling down and wiping my wet cheeks with her thumb. She didn't have to say anything. She just held me. I sat there in the dirt leaning against her chest for a while, staring at my parents' tombstones. It was after a while that I remembered I wasn't just here for my parents, I was here for my sister. I looked to the left of their tombstones, but hers wasn't there.

That got my attention.

I shot up, hastily scanning through all of the tombstones in the section we were in. "Jen!" Lisa called, now considerably far away from me. "What are you doing?"

"My sister," I called. "Lilianna Kim. Help me look?"

She nodded and started in the opposite direction, but after we had searched the entire graveyard, I realized she wasn't there. I looked at Lisa. "She's not here," I whispered. "Why isn't she here?"

Lisa shook her head. "I don't know. Call Cate?"

I removed my phone from my back pocket, dialing her number immediately. It rang, but she didn't pick up. I tried her a few more times before she finally answered the phone. I spoke instantly.

"Cate--"

She spoke as I did, almost as if she had been expecting my call. "I think you should come home." She paused, letting out a breath of air.

"We need to talk."