Shape Unsheltered

PROLOGUE

In all this, I didn't mean to hurt Sean, the way I did. He didn't deserve it, even if I tried I couldn't take it back. It has already marked its place in the history of our lives. He may never forgive me, but bit by bit, day by day I was losing myself trying to please everyone.

When I found out I was pregnant after graduation I was devastated. not that I didn't want children but I wasn't ready. I wanted to terminate the pregnancy but my mother said she would disown me. I am an only child, my parents tried and tried but nothing worked in giving them a second child. My mother advised me to get marry and that's what I did. I didn't consider the pros and cons of married life. I should have fought for my dreams, but instead, I push myself aside doing what I thought was the right thing at that time, being a mother and wife.

Sean and I prepared and got married in a short time and raise an incredible son. Everything was perfect until he asked for another child and that request stirred all these old feelings in me. I had my vision board set up and everything was going according to plan but I push my feelings aside and did what was best for my unborn child and myself at the time. I broke my heart and abandoned my dreams, I forced through every pain, as I slowly sank abyss.

I sat on the sidelines being the perfect wife cheering Sean on while I watched him developed his career. Seemingly, he had a beautiful wife and a perfect family. I also needed my moment in time.

Had I stayed I believe my sanity would've been compromised. Also, I had to cut all ties. My actions weren't the best when I thought about it but with the urgency to leave, I did not put much thought into my actions. I am fully aware that sometime in the future my actions may cause dire consequences. For hurting those I love, I am prepared to face whatever those may be. I knew my ex-husband, he was very kind-hearted and flexible in his thoughts and behaviour, so I doubted he would ever want to victimize me in any way. Despite my actions, he knows I love my son and he would never try to take our child's security or comforts by hurting his mother.

Definitely, one of the things I'm not proud of was leaving my son behind. That wasn't my intention but Sean wasn't playing around when he said I couldn't take Steph. Everyone knew he had the best lawyers and money on his side. It doesn't take a genius to figure out, I would have fought a losing battle. He cut me off completely and I'm undoubtedly not proud of my moment of weakness.

It has been two years since I had been romantically involved with Sean. Therefore, after being with Sean for seven years I resented being touch by another man. My romantic experiences were limited between Sean and my best friend DeMarcus Granger. DeMarcus and I were so close we developed a romantic relationship and at some point shared our virginity but unfortunately, DeMarcus's parents moved to a different country. Nevertheless, we communicate through letters but eventually, we lost contact.

In my moment of weakness, I send my nudes to Sean and he blocked all communication. I've tried numerous times to make contact with him but it all prove futile for months. I knew he's with Anna and they had a baby. Trust me, I never imagine them romantically involved. I was shocked to go home and find them living together. I can only wonder how it happened. Imagine they were the maid of honour and the best man at their best friend's wedding, now they are together. The irony of life sometimes good things happen in saying goodbye. It sounds so unreal, but Sean is very persuasive when he wants what he wants. I cried my heart out and break down when I saw them together. I didn't think he would and given up so quickly.

I've been around Anna a few times but not enough to judge her character, she's Jinette best friend. Jinette and I used to be so close I loved her but my actions hurt her and now she wants nothing to do with me. I can't blame her, I probably would've blocked my ass if I threw such an important relationship aside. To be honest, I could've kept in contact but I felt like she chose Sean's side. We didn't see eye to eye on this issue. She didn't understand my feelings, therefore, she couldn't help.

I regretted my son being raised by another woman. I often wondered if she will take my place. But Steph is too smart and I doubted he would replace me. When he's older I will explain everything and I can only pray he understands my side of the story.

For a very long time, I wondered what people would think of me, how will they see me. I didn't dare to put myself, my dreams, and my desires first because I was scared of what everyone would believe. When I did make the first step in pursuit of my career, I learned the true colours of some of the people in my life.

My name is Cindy Washington, I'm 27 years of age and this is my story. "Shape unsheltered." Some women choose to follow men and some choose to follow their dreams, simply put. When you cannot control what is happening challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what is happening. Like I said it all depends on the choice we make. Why choose when you can have it all career and love, in that order.

After eight months of separation, Sean sent me divorce papers, which I didn't sign at first. As much as I wanted out I wasn't ready to be out. If that makes sense. I needed the break but when he didn't give me the space I asked for, I went radical and made matters worse.

You know that feeling when life becomes more than day-to-day living like you're struggling to survive each day. No matter how hard you tried to wing it, eventually, your wings just break and you can't fix it no matter how you try. It just needs time to heal.

Here is where my healing began. the shadow of myself needs to be shattered for Cindy Washington to shine to her true potential. All my dreams are a heartbeat away, I can feel it, the answers are all up to me.

Eventually, marriage will be put on my to-do list. but not before I developed my true potential as a striving woman on my journey to success.