Blue Howard (boyxboy)

Look who the cat dragged in

She's right. We haven't invited her over. I haven't seen her in the past week, if only, then glimpses.

PS: Hearing his name drives me crazy.

"Of course you're allowed." I put my phone away to focus on Emma. "It's just been...a mess."

"I think I have the right to know what's going on. I don't believe that you stopped liking him," she says, looking into the distance. "But in case you don't want to discuss it, I can pretend that I am enjoying the weather. Small talk was never really a topic for me, but I guess I could try." She stretches out her legs, leans back, and closes her eyes as if she were sunbathing. But there is no sun. There is winter.

"I'm not going to force you into anything you don't want to, even if it is only small talk. I'm not. I'm also disagreeing with you. Life has taken such a turn that I do not have feelings for anyone right now, except for the negative ones. There is always someone I hate, I think," I say and glance at her. Her scarf is really big around her neck. It must feel uncomfortable, or incredibly warm.

"So, you're waiting for Lynn?" she asks, a note of teasing in her voice.

"Lynn? Really? You're calling her Lynn like the loser who dumped her?" I raise my eyebrow. Emma slaps my shoulder friendlily, her eyes snap open.

"Hey, don't judge a loser based on the language," she says. "For the record, Lorcan isn't even a subject. He's whatever. He's dirt."

"Wow, big words. But it's true," I agree. It starts snowing. I kind of fancy it at the moment, even though I feel cold. Sometimes it's good to be reminded that you're not burning up. In that case, burning up with rage for the ex-best friend who tricked the girl you loved into believing he was worth something. I would like to punch him for that. "So, the cat dragged one new pile of dirt here." I squint my eyes, because the snow gets thicker and falls on my eyelashes.

"Keep talking." She gestures for me to go on. She has leaned back again, eyes closed.

"Once upon a time I had a best friend," I begin, and sigh. "His name was Evan. Then I start liking a girl. Then he started sending these anonymous song dedications on the radio that were addressed to this girl. She thought she had an admirer, and for some time, she thought it was me. She was liked by a lot of the boys. I was lucky enough to be with her for a while, but then it ended. When I found out that it had been my best friend who had pretended to like her, I flipped. I stopped speaking to him and refused to listen to any apologies or explanations, but then again, he didn't try hard enough. He should've pushed further. Since he didn't, I am certainly not going to hear him out now that it has been six months or more. So I will just keep ignoring him until he stops."

Emma bites her lip. "But maybe this time he'll push further."

I snap my head towards her and raise my eyebrow. She nods. "Really? You think that?" I am not sure about this. Do I even want him to continue looking for a way to talk to me? "Let's just not assume things. Let's talk about something else."

Emma smiles. "Oh, you hope he keeps it up!" She nudges my thigh and I shake my head. Then I see Jocelyn approaching. Her cheeks are rosy, and her hair is a mess.

"I don't," I say to Emma before I stand up. "Jocelyn, our friend here was wondering if she could be our guest this fine evening."

"Thanks for trying Howard, but I have to study tonight," Emma says and throws her bag across her shoulder. "Some other time maybe."

When she's far from us, Jocelyn lets out a breath. "Well, that was weird." She blows a lock of hair from her eyes and her shoulders fall as she exhales. "I think I already started to forget her face."