Between Soldier and Spy

It would be easier

It would be easier if she liked Bruce, if she loved Bruce. A man with a troubled past as dark as her own, whose origin story thrives on becoming a monster, the man who she could never dream of a normal life with. And in some way she does, she finds herself being drawn to the older doctor. He's kind and compassionate, extremely intelligent, runs away from the fight. She runs towards it. He asks her to run away, he assumes she has to stay and he's right. Maybe that's why she's drawn to the other man, the one with the shield. Steve, the one who has become her partner and friend. Her confidant when all seemed lost and everything she though she believed in came crumbling down at her feet. Maybe that's why she finds herself walking the short few feet to his current room in the Barton house. It's well after midnight and the group has dispersed to their assigned sleeping arrangements, some long asleep. The spy however is not so lucky, thoughts plagued with rejection on top of her horrible visions, her past. She opens the door with a quiet click, stepping over the floorboard that she knows creaks. She watches his sleeping form, chest rising and falling as he drifts into sleep. She watches him for a moment debating her next action.
"Nat?" He says into the darkness. He must forget that he's been calling her Romanoff again. Her breath hitches "you okay?"
She manages to find her words "just peachy, Rogers."
"Come'ere." He says holding up the side of quilt, she pads over to the bed reluctantly. She lies her body next to his, both lying on their backs. She doesn't say anything...she doesn't need to.
"I've missed you." He says, turning his head to look at her. They've come a long way since Sam's guest bedroom. She hears the questions on his mind without him even having to ask. Maybe that's part of what makes them such good partners, such good friends, such a good something. It's what scares her.
"I was scared." She replies "...of needing you too much, wanting you too much."
"You walked away." He says, the words rolling off his tongue without any malus.
"You didn't ask me to come with you." She adds
"I wanted to."
"I know." She smiles, reaching for his hand in the darkness.
"Would you now?" He asks, thumb brushing over the back of her hand in a repetitive motion.
"Anywhere." She replies, the same tone she used with him in the car when she asked him who he wanted her to be.
"What about you and Bruce?" He asks the words stumbling out of his mouth.
"It's nothing." She adds "A distraction that clearly isn't working."
"Good." He replies, she can see him smiles as the moonlight dances around the room. His hand that was holding hers now plays with a lock of red hair behind her head, as his arm drapes over her.
"Do you want to talk about your dream?" He asks
"Do you ever think about having this?" Natasha starts "This kind of life, family, kids."
"I used to." He replies "but now... I don't know it would be hard to leave them behind to fight the good fight, you know?"
"Yeah." She muses
"What about you?" He asks
"It's not an option for me." Natasha says "I can't... I can't have that. They took that away from me." Tears are glistening in her eyes and she's done trying to hide them.
"That's okay." He replies, his hand comes up to brush away her tears as they trail down her cheeks. She'd made peace with it to some extent but being here after her vision, on top of having the feelings she has for the super soldier currently comforting her, has made her wish it was possible, that she had that choice. "It's okay." He repeats over and over like a mantra pulling her closer until her face is pressed into the crook of his neck and his arms snaked around her body.

Natasha's not sure how long she cries for Steve comforting her and whispering reassurances as she cries every tear for what was taken from her. Her tears have subsided to sniffles, Steve's shirt drenched with them. Her breathing has evened out and Steve almost thinks she could have fallen asleep, her head resting on his chest above his heart. His hands continue to run through her hair, in the way that he's comforted her after nightmares on missions. He can't forget the first time he was awoken by them scared to death,  before he woke her and talked her to sleep again.  He feels her adjust herself leaning up to press her face closer to his, placing a kiss to his jaw before lying on his chest again.
"Feeling better?" He asks. Natasha nods against him. "Good."
"I missed you too..." Natasha starts "while you were looking for Bucky, I missed you too."
Steve presses a kiss to her head as they both drift of to sleep.

If she could love Bruce it would be easier. She wouldn't want a simple life with the white picket fence that she craved with a certain super soldier, wouldn't be disappointed by the fact that there will never be a little boy that has his eyes and her hair or a little girl that has his hair and her smile, her eyes a perfect mixture of blue and green, that it's not in the cards for them. Maybe with them each other is just enough.

Hi everyone, quick little update from my drafts. It hasn't been edited but I still wanted to post so I'm sorry if it's bad haha. I can't help but wish Steve was the one Nat turned to in AOU instead of Bruce, so this is me sort of adding it in there. Sorry for such a delay in this story, I haven't posted in nearly a month. Also thanks for 2k views on this story!❤️❤️-musicgirl145