𝖲𝖤𝖢𝖱𝖤𝖳 𝖫𝖮𝖵𝖤 | 𝘛.𝘖𝘪𝘬𝘢𝘸𝘢

2 | Forget

You try to it shake off with an exasperated sigh. You know there's no use in letting yourself feel so on edge, but damnit you're already deep in a rabbit hole of furious agitation. And the more you acknowledged it, the more your body stiffens. You just can't let your body relax, and it all gets worse when your first hits the paper, a loud snap making you flinch.

Your pencil fucking snapped. "Damnit!"

A few more shushes are sent your way, and this time you slam your notebook shut, the harsh whack shaking the table as your eyebrows scrunched in fury. "I'm leaving," you say abruptly.

"Are you okay?" Emi asks genuinely, expression low in concern as she watches you cram your stuff into your backpack, fingers fumbling over every item as your temper riles up and winds you into rushing yourself, composure seconds away from breaking.

"Spectacular." you hum, zipping up your bag before slinging it over your shoulder. "I'll see you later."

You walk faster than you need to, not even walking anywhere in particular except the library door. You eye the wooden exit door like it's your escape from hell. Like the door is an entry to a safe haven that'll sweep you away from the eruption of hellfire flaming up around you. You can't even breathe, your lungs feel like they're closing in on you. what's wrong with you? Why are you letting that night, him, get to you like this? Nothing even happened...right?

Meanwhile, Oikawa watches your body rush through the stacked shelves in a hurry. He can see the tension in your face as you grit your teeth like your biting down on the tense air suffocating you. He slips the history textbook he attempted to focus on reading back onto the shelf, none of the pages he read storing a place in his mind. He turns to Iwaizumi and Mattsun nearby. "I'll see you guys at practice," he says and begins to follow you out, not loitering by for their response.

You let a breath shake out of you once you make it out the door, feeling like you've reached fresh air that can soothe your bleeding lungs. You lean against the cold, white wall beside the library door, just staring blankly out into the vacant corridor and letting your bag slip from your slumped shoulder and land beside your feet. And your body follows, legs easing when they feel the cold tiles meet the bare skin between your socks and skirt.

The library door swings open with a brief breeze tickling your legs. Oikawa glances down at you sitting on the floor, an eyebrow raised in curiosity. You don't acknowledge him, too immersed in your thoughts that have blocked out everything around you.

He sits down beside you, eyeing your vacant expression in concern. "Y/N?" he says softly.

A shiver feathers its way down your spine when his silky voice tickles your ears, somehow snatching you out of your trance. You turn your head to land your eyes on his, shoulders tensing when you realise how close he's sat beside you. You can feel his leg pressed up against yours, the rough texture of his uniform trousers warming the bare skin of your leg.

"Oikawa...what are you doing here?"

He gives you a small smile, one that seems genuine, a smile you're not familiar with seeing on his face. It surprises you, but it makes your heart shimmer with warmth, the way his eyes crease and cheeks softened. "I saw you rushing out, thought I'd check on you."  he chuckles like his answer was obvious.

"Oh, I'm fine. I just...have a lot on my mind." your voice unintentionally grows quieter with each word, fingers gripping the hem of your skirt. Really, there was only one thing in particular, and you feared he knew exactly what that was.

"Ah, me too." he looks away for second, eyes facing ahead of him as his face falls into intense thought. "I'm sorry about Friday."

The words came out so easily, but it took a few repeats in your mind to understand what he was saying. Why is he apologising? He asked and you said yes. You're both at fault.

"You have nothing to apologise for," you say plainly, more annoyed that that's what he thinks he has to do. It upsets you to think an apology is what's deserved as if he didn't mean his actions at all.

He doesn't respond to that, the both of you falling into a minute of silence. You feel like two children being put outside after misbehaving. You feel like this much-needed, yet uncomfortable, confrontation was your punishment for going behind your brother's back.

"It's clearly eating us both alive." he suddenly says "Keeping it a secret, avoiding each other because we don't know how to act around each other now." He looks back at you, but your eyes are glued to your knees. "It's best we forget about it and move on. Iwaizumi doesn't need to know. Yeah, it was weird for a minute, but we didn't actually kiss so it's no big deal, right?"

The urge to slap him surges through your body, but you restrain yourself, although the anger bubbling inside of you will take longer to subside. Does he not see how that's the problem? You can't forget; your mind won't let you, he won't let you, the guilt won't let you, the dirty desire weeping through your veins won't let you. But if he can't see that, so be it. Maybe it's just you that feels like this. Maybe forgetting comes easy to him because maybe this isn't the first time he's had to forget something of the sort.

"...right." you're hesitant.

You don't want to believe it's no big deal, and everything in your body; your gut, your heart, hell, even your head is trying to tell you this was a big deal. But not just because you went behind Iwaizumi's back and almost kissed his best friend, and not just because his best friend tried to kiss you - his little sister - but because it did mean something, even though you couldn't pinpoint what just yet. And that meaning, that intense feeling in their air that won't fade, that is the danger.

And yet, this feeling lingering between you both can be sensed even now as he sits beside you, his hand brushing against yours, something so small and unintentional, yet so loud of an instinct. It all meant something, and that won't go away so easily.

Oh, not at all.