When you first become a Hydra agent, you undergo a series of conditioning sequences to make you suggestive to command. It is what makes all agents completely compliant. After conditioning and training you are given missions. If you do well, you continue on if you do not, you go back to more conditioning. There is one rule above all other at Hydra, one that if you disobey is a one-way ticket back to conditioning - there was nothing before Hydra.
You were told a thousand times to let the past go, it was conditioned out of your memory and you knew better than to ask about the past. Conditioning was a painful process, that's why you gave into it and why you continue to do well, so you never have to go through that process again. Now in your mind there is only Hydra and you had no life outside of that.
So when Soldier actually asked about your past out loud, you were taken aback and had no idea what to say. "Soldier, I-"
He cut you off. "I know we aren't supposed to ask, but there has to be something before all this, we were not born into this, I just can't remember."
You shook your head, "We cannot think about that, you have questions because it has been years since your conditioning, but I would rather not go back there ever again."
Soldier knew that the conditioning process was worse for you because you were a woman, he knew the fear and the awful things the officers did to you. "I know Shadow, I didn't want to bring you into it," he responded.
His tone pulled at your heart, he desperately needed to talk to someone about everything in his head. You were terrified of conditioning, but in your heart you knew you could trust Soldier to keep your secrets and he clearly trusted you to keep his.
"Of course I wonder about the past," you started. Soldier seemed surprised you were willing to talk, but he was grateful. He rolled over to face you, waiting for you to continue.
"I wonder silently what happened before I was here, there is something else I remember waking up here confused and wounded, but when I think about it, that is where my memory stops. I have no memory of something other than here, even though I know there has to be," you explained not sure what else to say, "do you remember anything?"
Soldier shrugged his shoulders, "I don't remember facts no, but sometimes feelings."
"Feelings?" you question.
"Yea like I feel like I've felt a certain way before, that some feelings just feel...natural," he explained nervously, "maybe it's stupid."
"No-" you cut him off almost instantly sitting up to look him directly in the eyes, "No I get those sometimes too, kind of. Like with you, it seems easy and familiar, like we've always been together..." You trail off waiting for soldier to reply.
"I feel that way too, it makes me wonder if we knew each other before all this," he suggests.
"I doubt that," you laughed laying back down and looking at the ceiling.
"Why's that?" soldier asks also laying back.
You let out a small laugh, "because I could never forget a man like you."
YOU ARE READING
Agents (Bucky Barnes x Reader)
FanfictionBucky Barnes and (Y/N) were agents of Hydra, the most elite tag team, known far and wide for maximum casualties. But their story did not begin there, their story began in the 1940's where they fell in love. But their past unlocks a lot of secrets...
