Love & Death [Femdom 18+]

12. Losing Yourself

        She would deny it for years to come, she knew, but Lizzy appreciated Genny's arms around her. They were strong and caring. They felt comfortable and loving and Genny was like a silk cocoon all night. 

        When Genny got up to use the bathroom around four in the morning, Lizzy took a little time to say good bye to her calf. It was delicate and sensitive to touch but she touched it anyway. It was a short and bitter farewell and she knew that there would be more occasions to do so again between now and the scheduled surgery. She just wanted to have enough time to get used to the idea that this calf, this ankle, and this foot with it's high arch and rounded toes would no longer be a part of her. 

        She wanted to be able to look at it and not see it, and not cry about it. And she wondered if she would ever be able to do so.

        In the morning, Genny set up camp in the living reading all the queries for her advice column. She was backlogged and was trying to catch up. Lizzy could hear her playing with Bilbo between replies. 

        Lizzy was too tired to get up. She laid in bed and waited. And waited. 

        By early afternoon, Genny said she would take Bilbo for his walk and asked her if she wanted anything. Lizzy didn't want anything. She'd never felt so lethargic. 

        She felt a presence in her room before she saw it. She smelled it, like flowers masking a stroll through a crematorium. A wicked scent and stung her nose and eyes and yet made her feel horrifyingly serene. This was the endgame. Knowing it only made you feel at peace. 

        "Where's Geneva Johnson?" came a gentle masculine voice edged with wariness.

        "Who are you?" Lizzy asked, turning her heard in his direction. It took so much effort that it exhausted her. 

        "Where's Geneva Johnson?" He asked again, a little irritated but even more wary.

        Lizzy took in his appearance. He wore a doublet and a black shirt front. Shiny black riding boots and breeches in the same dark shade. He was handsome, in a pale, depressed poet sort of way, and entirely too invested in Geneva.

        "I know you...You're that man who was kissing Genny in the hospital." She pushed herself up to sitting, curiosity fueling her body.

        "She kissed me," he retorted defensively before shaking his head. "Never mind that. Listen to me Elizabeth Crenshaw. It's important that you tell me where she is so that I can go get her for you," he said, taking a step closer out of concern before stopping in his tracks.

        "Why?" Lizzy didn't want Genny here. She wanted to be alone. She wanted the kind of peace that this strange man exuded.

        "You summoned me," he said slowly. He was a stranger to her but his voice was thick with a mixture of emotions that Lizzy was too tired to identify.

        They stared at one another. Both of them reading the other, trying to understand. They understood very well. 

        "Death, you're here for me." Lizzy whispered. She wasn't surprised or shocked. It was just a flat statement in her defeated voice. 

        "No. I can't. I promised your friend that I wouldn't," he replied. He looked stern and sure of himself but uncomfortable. He wanted to leave but couldn't because he was bound to her actions, or even the thought of certain actions she would take.

        "She'll be back soon. I don't want to die in front of her. It would crush her," she tried to appeal to his involvement with Genny.

        "It will crush her either way. She sees you like a sister. We'll both wait for her, together. She will return and take care of you," he said and pulled up a chair and sat. The look on his face was determined. He would not be moved. And he never took his eyes off of her. 

        "I'm in so much pain. Please," she hated how broken she sounded. Like her mother. Lizzy squeezed her eyes shut to block out images of her. 

        "Tell me about your love life," asked the dark stranger, Death.

        Lizzy's eyes shot opened and she felt, for the first time since finding Bilbo at her door, a jolt of irrepressible laughter. Her body didn't remember quite how to do it so the sound of laughter came out as more of a choked sob.

        "Don't tell me you're also a matchmaker," she retorted roughly.

        "I have been...Invested in Love," said Death. There was a secret little smile on his lips that made Lizzy so curious.

"Invested in love? It's not a stock market. You can't be so distant," Lizzy replied. She was more invested in the conversation than she wanted to admit. She wanted to know who managed to capture Death's romantic interests... It dawned on her.

        Genny. 

        He had been kissing her in the hospital. Or, if she went by his story, she was kissing him. 

        "She's not trading her life for mine, is she?" Lizzy asked suddenly. It would be just like Genny do do something so stupidly altruistic. 

        "Not quite," he didn't look like he would say more and Lizzy didn't press him because she knew that somewhere along the way, Genny must have risked her life. And in that token of love alone, Lizzy wouldn't do anything to tarnish that.

        "Why are you interested in my love life?" She asked finally.

        "I'm curious what mortals do for love these days. As you can see, I'm far removed from this time," he replied smoothly as he gestured to his attire.

        "I don't do anything for love. I don't believe in it. I just fuck," she said with a shrug. His eyes widened and she smiled triumphantly. 

        "I find it hard to believe that a friend of Cu-Geneva Johnson would take such a stance against love," said Death.

        "She is a very loving person. And I love her very much. But I don't believe in the love you're talking about. Romantic love," she explained patiently.

        "Is there a remarkable difference between romantic love and love in general?" he asked, innocently sincere.

        "Romantic love can be broken down into dueling emotions. Lust, camaraderie, possessiveness, and admiration. At the beginning, you feel all of them at once and it's hard to decipher. But then, you lose Lust and admiration, then camaraderie. You're left with just possessiveness. What I feel for Genny is admiration and camaraderie. It's just easier to call that jumble of feelings love." When she was done, she watched his face for any sign that he understood her.

        "You've been in love lots of times, haven't you?" he asked after a time of mutual silence.

        Lizzy didn't answer. She heard the door to her apartment open and close and turned her head toward the sound of Bilbo's short trot toward the bedroom to visit her. When she turned back to the chair, Death was gone. And so was that desperate need for peace.

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Author's Note: 

I'm SO sorry I missed my Wednesday appointment with you! I've been feeling so sick and gross all over. And this chapter was ridiculously hard to write because I had to dip into a very emotionally dark place and I'm generally a very bouyant person. 

But I also love Lizzy very much and I hate to see her suffer. But it's crucial to the story so I have to go through with it! 

Again, I'm sorry I missed Wednesday! I will be on time next Wednesday!