12. Losing Yourself

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        Geneva could see that there was something wrong with Lizzy. She limped horribly and her face was always taut and pale. Paler than usual. When asked if anything was wrong, Lizzy would shake her head and push onward, wincing, limping, eyes full of unshed tears. 

        Three times a day, Lizzy left the house. Once for her physical therapy and twice for ten minutes to walk Bilbo. She used a crutch to support her left leg, and used her right hand to hang onto Bilbo's leash. 

        Geneva went with her on each of her outings and observed her dear friend grow wearier by the middle of the second week. She couldn't begin to understand the amount of pain Lizzy must be in. She tried to convince her friend to take another dose of generic pain killers, she refused anything stronger. 

        Eventually, the pain won out and Lizzy, hallow and shaking, fell into Geneva's arms.

        "I think something's wrong," Lizzy half whimpered into Geneva's neck, leaning her weight against the Cupid's strong support.

        Geneva sat with Lizzy, she'd still refused to call her brother, and held her friend's hand when the doctor gave them the news. 

        "The trauma to your shin was quite severe. It has not been healing very well and I'm afraid I'll need you to consent to a transtibial amputation," he said solemnly.

        "I'm sorry?" Lizzy asked, angry that she didn't know the term and annoyed that the doctor would assume she did. Whatever it was, an amputation was not the best word to accompany it.

        "Ah, an amputation below your knee. About three inches below the knee," the doctor added a little sheepishly. Lizzy was not very patient with pretentiousness and she could cow the Hell's Angels if given the chance.

        "And what if I don't consent?" Lizzy asked in the same tone, her brow arched. Geneva could tell that she was compensating. There were tears in those eyes, kept at bay through rapid blinking.

        "Well, you may live with the pain you're in for the rest of your life. And there will be other complications. There is a likelihood that the bone will rub against your tendon and injure it further," the doctor replied.

        Lizzy was very quiet on the ride home. She didn't want to talk to Geneva about what she'd discussed with her doctor and she didn't have the strength to walk Bilbo so Geneva left her alone and took Bilbo herself. She made sure to take the goofy little dog on an extra long walk to let Lizzy think through her options. Losing part of her leg was a big deal and a lot to absorb. 

        By the time Geneva returned, Bilbo was panting and tired. The corgi found his way over to Lizzy's comfy chair, hobbled up her leg and sat firmly in her lap. The weight pained Lizzy, Geneva could tell, but she said nothing. Instead, she nuzzled the dog and cried. 

        Geneva cried with her. The Cupid could never understand what the loss of a limb would be like but she wondered if it was like losing a love. Losing a part of yourself that you will never get back. Her mind blathered on, trying to find some connection, something to say to Lizzy to make her feel better. But in the end, the Cupid could only hold her friend and the whimpering silly dog and cry for solidarity sake.

        They called the doctor and came up with a time to talk about the nuances of a transtibial amputation. 

        Geneva stayed the night and held Lizzy in her sleep. 

~~~~~

        Lizzy was one of those ball-busting self-sufficient women who refused help from anyone. And she most definitely did not cry. Or need to be held.

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