The Newest Moon

Stitches

I had regained control of my thirst. A different emotion took over once I saw Bella sitting there. A feeling of warmth took over, and I was relieved she was okay. Okay, for now, a voice in the back of my head said. I tried to ignore it, as I walked over to her.

'You sure know how to kill a party,' I smiled at her.

She returned my smile and I saw a flash of calm in her eyes. 'You know, I was dressed to kill, but I didn't mean myself for that matter.'

If I would have had a heart, it would hurt a bit by her statement. But, I was also happy she could joke about it in times like these. 

If I would have had a heart, it would hurt a bit by her statement. But, I was also happy she could joke about it in times like these. Sometimes, she is absolutely stronger than me.

'Come on my femme fatale, time to get you home.' Bella nodded and stood up, and quietly took her things. She also took her half-opened presents. At the door, she turned around and looked at both my parents.

'I'm sorry the night turned out like this,' she said before quickly walking out of the door and towards her car. I glanced quizzically at Carlisle and Esme, before following Bella. 

She was already standing next to her pick-up. She let me drive it, which was not a good sign. Neither of us spoke. Neither of us turned her new stereo on. The car ride was completely silent. I wanted to be the first one to break the silence, but I didn't know what I could say. I'm sorry Bella for hurting you multiple times? I'm sorry Bella for bringing you into my house, a house full of vampires? I'm sorry Bella that I could not stay away from you? I'm sorry Bella that I've fallen head over heels for you? I'm sorry Bella that I'm not strong enough to be separated from you, even though that would be the best for you? Neither of those excuses sounded right in my head, let alone if I would speak them out loud. Bella could not take it anymore and she begged me; 'Say something.'

I didn't know how to answer. 'What do you want me to say?' I instead asked her.

'Please forgive me, Edward, I feel responsible for what has happened. If I had been more careful, we wouldn't be in this situation. If I had been more careful, I would not have cut myself. If I would not have cut myself, no one would feel thirsty. I pushed all your buttons and it is all my fault.' She said out of breath, almost hyperventilating. I could hear her voice break, and when I looked over I saw tears forming in her eyes.

Then, it clicked. She was trying to be strong in front of my family. She was just as shaken up by the whole thing as I was. I could pinch myself for not seeing it sooner. 

'Bella please, it's no one's fault,' I said equally to her as to myself. I didn't sound convincing though as I blamed myself mostly. I could see she didn't believe me either.

'How do you think I feel, Bella?' I instead asked her. 'I'm beating myself up, just as badly as you do right now. The only difference is that you only gave yourself a little papercut. That's nothing. If you had a normal boyfriend and you gave yourself a papercut, the worst that could possibly happen is that you could not find a bandage. But what did I do? I took you into a house full of vampires. Something like this was bound to happen. I'm to blame for this, Bella. Me!' I shouted at her. 

She was quiet for a while. Clearly, I made her think about it. Suddenly, she looked at me with such devotion in her eyes, it kind of took me off guard.

'You're right, it's your fault,' she said while drying her tears. 'You kind of suck, you know.' She said with a warm smile on her face.

I could not understand this woman. Here I was, telling her all the reasons why being with me is the worst that could happen to her, and she made a joke out of it? How could she?