Heavy Blood

24. Izuna

I was on my knees, hiding my face in my hands. I couldn't breathe. I wasn't prepared. I wasn't prepared for any of this.

"Our job here is done", Lisa said and closed the door behind her, leaving for the school yard with her classmates.

"Sneaky motherfuckers", I mumbled under my breath, still hiding my face.

I heard him laugh warmly. It was a held-back laugh, not a 'ha-ha', but more of a 'hmm-hmm'. A chuckle, perhaps. Or, not really a chuckle, but maybe... Oh, forget it, it wasn't important.

That chuckle did something to me, though. It lit a fire in the pit of my stomach that accelerated through my vessels and spread to my hips, my thighs, my groin... And I realised how much held-back devotion there was in my body for this man and that I had never stopped loving him. Not once. I heard and felt him bend down on knee in front of me to try to see my face, but I just hid it even more. "You're awfully shy", he said, his voice dripping with love. "I'm sorry I'm not Harry Styles."

"What do you want?" I asked, a bit too harshly.

"Do you..." Suddenly, he sounded very, very nervous. I could hear him swallow. "Do you want me to leave?"

I grabbed his arm suddenly. "No!"

He sat down then, relief radiating from his every pore. "Then I'll stay."

He put one arm around me, and I leaned in, still refusing to look at him, or let him see me. He started fiddling with my hair with his other hand, able fingers swirling around my scalp. It was incredibly arousing. "Suits you", he said. "It's shorter than mine. Feels strange."

"It isn't shorter than yours", I said.

"I've let mine grow", he said warmly. "You would know if you looked up."

I swallowed, and slowly, very slowly, I dared to look at him.

He looked fantastic. His hair wasn't bleached white anymore, but a soft, blonde colour, and it was a bit longer and looked much healthier. Still a short cut, but the tips tickled his shoulders. He had no face paint, and his clothes were incredible; pitch black Levi's with a chain hanging off one side and a crisp, white shirt. He had several rings on his hands. I dared to sneak one hand into his hair, and we locked eyes, just touching each other's hair for a while.

"Izuna, do you... Do you..."

"What?"

He sighed, frustrated with himself. "What was the reason behind us separating?"

"The fact that God stood in the way. I respect it and understand it, but I don't want it in a relationship."

"What if I..." He seemed to really struggle finding the words. "What if I..."

"Changed your mind? Figured out that you will be a priest who has a boyfriend? Tobirama, you had chosen that already. You had chosen me. But your soul was with God and you couldn't help it. The risk is it's still the same now. I don't want to take that risk."

"No, listen!" he said, sounding a bit frustrated with himself. "What if I told you I'm not a priest anymore?" I just stared. I just stared at him. This isn't happening. This just isn't happening. "Please, don't feel any pressure! I didn't quit being a priest just for you. I decided that I want a partnership in my life, so now I'm just a regular everyday catholic who can marry. And I've also backed off quite a bit. I believe in God but I don't have to follow all of His rules. I've done my part for God; now it's someone else's turn. And I..." He looked at me shyly. "I will be the school counsellor of this school."

I just gaped at him. It was all so much to take in. "You... What?" He was the one replacing Mr Smith?

"I want a partnership at some point. But there is no rush. I'm not actively looking for something. But I... " He took my hands. "I really, really want that to be you, you know?"

I still couldn't take all of this in. "So it's... It's you? You're the new school counsellor?"

"Uhh-huhh. I have a simple education in counselling I did alongside my education to become a priest. I read about the job being available and I gave it a shot, and the guy interviewing me seemed to like me. I think Sebastian was his name?" Sneaky motherfucker... He knew! "But anyway, Izuna, please..." He looked at me so desperately, I couldn't help but laugh. "Please, let me take you on a date? Like, a real one? Not to break up but to actually buy you coffee and cake and we can talk about the future and- Ahh!"

He choked a bit because I had harshly grabbed a chunk of his hair, forcing his head back. "It's not even a question", I said.

I leaned forwards and I kissed him. 

I had paid for the coffee and cakes this time. We sat in the same cafe, Tobirama having been adamant that he wanted to erase the bad memory he'd made last time we were here together.

"I came here once afterwards, with Hashi. It was awful."

We shared a caramel cheesecake, a raspberry and milk chocolate fluff tart and a lemon cake, and talked. We talked and talked and talked. We used to talk a lot back in the days, but not like this. I hadn't noticed at the time, but I think him being a priest put a barrier around me that he could never quite reach through; I was scared of judgement. That seemed to have disappeared now, and not only because he wasn't a priest anymore. I realised he was much more confident, safe in himself, not feeling the need to harm himself for validation, not even needing validation. I thought I had been a way out for him, but turned out, he'd taken himself out of his misery himself, and was with me because he wanted to. And I wanted him.

"Do you still live in the same place?" he asked.

"Yes", I said. Suddenly, I looked down, shy. "But I've renovated the kitchen and refurnished the place. Do you want to come see it?"

At this, he reached across the table, put his index underneath my chin and lifted my face up, forcing me to look at him. His long, blonde hair made his icy gaze even more intense, somehow. With his other hand, he took a spoonful of cake and fed it to me. I looked at him, carefully licking every last bit of cream off. "I'd love to", he said.