Heavy Blood

16. Tobirama

"Honey, I'm home!" I did not say, but I was close.

I felt so happy. So. Happy. The talk with Hashirama hadn't really changed anything for me, yet, it had changed everything. Hearing a fellow priest give me permission to explore had lightened my heart up. I knew I was late home after the gym, and I was sad not to be there for Izuna when he came back from the hospital.

"Izuna!" I called. "I bought sushi!" I rustled the paper bag that contained the ten vegetarian pieces for Izuna and fifteen California rolls for me, along with miso soup. But there was no answer. Perhaps, he was taking a nap. I went upstairs on my tiptoes so as not to wake him, but when I came into the bedroom, he wasn't there. His winter jacket and the outfit he'd worn that morning were, though. Shower or bathroom? But there was nobody there, either. Maybe, he was on a walk. But that couldn't be it. He had one pair of winter boots, and one pair of sneakers, and both were in his room.

An eerie sensation filled my stomach then; a tingling. This was a huge cathedral, and there were a million different places he could be. Yet, I had a strange sensation that something was terribly, terribly wrong. I had to hold it back, or I would panic, but it was hard. I looked in the kitchen. In the bathroom again. Back to the bedroom. I went down, looked at the altar, which was ridiculous as it was clearly visible. I looked behind doors leading to cellars and crypts.

"Izuna?!" I shouted. "Izuna, please!!" It was very hard to keep the panic at bay at this point.

I went back up to the bedroom again, and saw something I hadn't noticed before. There were crumbled paper towels, and they were still wet. As if someone had been using them to dry...

"Izuna..."

I noticed something else next to the soft, crumbled paper; a piece of regular paper, crumbled up as well. There were some scribbling on it. I couldn't help but read it immediately:

It's my fault. I could have sold everything to save him. To get him that fucking monoclonal antibody. He's dead and he wouldn't be if I wasn't so selfish. I-

I couldn't bear reading more. I crumbled the piece up. Izuna was the most selfless man, or human being in general, that I had ever met. Yet...

Then it struck me.

It struck me like a lightning bolt, and my stomach plummeted to hell and below, making my insides icy cold.

I knew exactly where Izuna was. 

It took me ages to get there. I knew I had good physical stamina, but still, I struggled getting air through my lungs and no oxygen was getting into my brain, the only thoughts going through my mind being no no no no no no NO!

I rounded the corner, and I knew what I would see. I knew what I would see, yet nothing could ever had prepared me for the sight of it.

Doing it to myself was one thing. Seeing the effects of it in the mirror on my own skin was palatable. But seeing it on a man you had grown to like very, very much...

I screamed. I screamed like I'd never screamed before. The roar when I found him being raped was nothing, nothing compared to this. My own scream turned my own blood to ice. I immediately started coughing, and spat out blood; my scream had destroyed my throat immediately. I sunk down to my hands and knees, and I was trembling as if I'd seen a ghost. My vision was blurred; of what, I couldn't discern. I saw double, treble, even, and I lost my balance and fell over and over as I crawled to him.

"Why..." I whispered weakly. "Izuna, why..."

He looked over at me from where he was laying on his stomach. "You don't have to look so horrified..." he said weakly, and even managed a weak smile. My heart hurt; it felt like I couldn't reach him fast enough. It felt like he was oceans, countries away, that we wouldn't see each other for months, touch each other for months as I crawled, inch by inch, closer to him. I need to touch your face... "I am fine. It hurts but I am fine." His voice was so weak.

"Izuna..."

"Tobirama, don't cry... Please, don't cry..."

I hadn't even realised. I reached my hand out to touch his cheek, but couldn't quite reach it. Instead, he lifted his hand and took mine, entwined our fingers.

"I love you", he whispered. "I love you so much."

I used strength God gave me then and pulled him into my lap, hugged him close to me. He whimpered in pain, but I immediately soothed him. I hugged his head close to my chest, buried my face in his soft hair, clotted with blood. The blood was trailing down his back, pooling into the well in the stone room where I'd found him. I was trembling, while Izuna was limp in my arms.

"I am so angry with you", I said. "I am so, so angry with you, Izuna. Why? Why did you do that?" Izuna didn't answer. I took his beautiful, pale face in my hand, looked him into the eyes. "Listen! That's a tool used for a religious ceremony! I never, ever want you to use it ever again! Do you understand me?!" He started crying then, and I felt terrible. Kid just lost his big brother. He just lost the man he loved the most. "God, Izuna, I am sorry. I didn't mean to scream at you." I could feel some energy coming back to me. "I am scared, that is all."

He lifted his hand to my face then, played with a strand of my hair. It had dried after I'd showered in the gym. I still wore my black trousers, my black shirt and white collar, having forgotten to bring change to the gym so just leaving with the clothes I arrived in. He was looking at me lovingly, and I realised he had said he loved me. Hashirama's words came into my mind. You two love each other...

I cupped his chin then, and pulled him in for a kiss. I kissed him deeply, and he sat up. I pulled him close to me, careful not to touch any of the deep rashes on his back. God, he must have beaten himself up at least twenty times, going deeper than I had ever done. The scars would never, ever disappear. But right then, I didn't care. I lifted his body, completely naked, into my lap, getting my priest clothes wet with his blood. He shoved his fingers into my hair, and licked and sucked at my piercing. That aroused me so much, I didn't know what to make of myself. I knew that this time, I wouldn't be able to hold back; the emotions were too raw; too white-hot.

I pulled away. Izuna looked at me with something in his eyes that must have been disappointment.

"I can't do this here." I explained, and he looked relieved at the "here". "Too many bad memories. Let's move." I lifted him up and carried him out of the stone room and up the stairs to the church itself. I went down the aisle to the altar, climbed over the fence. Izuna's eyes widened when I put him down at the altar.

"You're fucking sick", he said.

"If God is going to challenge me, He might as watch me fail."

I walked back down the aisle, the very, very long distance to the front door and locked it. It locked with a deafening "click". Then, I walked the very, very long way back. When I came to Izuna, he was on his back, spine arched, beating his leaking erection that stood up to the heavens and God himself. He turned to look at me, his eyes were hooded of desire. "You're not failing, Tobirama", he whispered.

I bit my lip then, reached a decision. "Stay there", I said.

I jumped over the fence, then walked upstairs with steady steps, and took my priest robe from the hanger in the small wardrobe in my room, which was now Izuna's room. I put it on, together with my long, purple collar. I took my crucifix on the long chain of light purple pearls with rubies Hashirama had gifted me when I became a priest, and twisted it around my wrists a few times. I took some aseptic and dressings as well. Then, I went to the kitchen and took out some rope I always kept in the pantry, cut out four long pieces and took it down with me to Izuna. When I came back, he was a hot, panting mess on the red carpet of the altar. I walked to him, bent down, him completely naked, me completely dressed. A million different emotions flew through my mind, none of them making sense, while in a way, all of them made sense. I put my hand on his cheek, bent down so we were nose to nose, and stared at him intently.

"I love you, too", I said.

He kissed me.

I kissed him back.