Heavy Blood

20. Izuna

I had cried walking out of the cafe. I had cried on the bus home. I had cried all evening, my heart so heavy I could hardly hold it, feeling as if I needed Tobirama's palms to hold it up. I had really, really loved him. But I was also drowning in the knowledge that I wanted more than what he could offer me; someone who didn't hold back. Even so, I had taken my phone up several times, wanting to text him, but deciding against it. Are you feeling the same way, Tobirama? Are you lifting your phone up again and again? I had yet to change lock screen from a picture of him and me that I'd taken when we lay in bed next to each other, Tobirama, not used to selfies, covering his mouth and shrieking of laughter, his piercings glimmering. I loved that picture. Have you changed your lock screen already?

At 2 am, I had given up my attempts at sleeping. Instead, I stood up and went to my bathroom. I undressed until I was naked, then stood in front of the mirror over the sink. I turned around, inspected the scars. They were like chains of mountains, looking horrible to most, but I saw beauty in it. I had always seen beauty in scars. I pulled my hairband off, released my hair. Then, I opened the bathroom cabinet and pulled out a pair of old hair scissors.

I took my hair in my hand and chopped it all off. 

I rushed into the classroom.

"Mr Senju!"

"Sorry I'm late!" I panted like a maniac. "Had to... Had to step by the hairdressers. Fix the mess up. And stop calling me that!" I was extremely out of breath.

"Oh, my God, Mr Senju! Your hair!"

"You..." I suddenly became insecure, standing before my class. It was the last day of term, so there were no lessons, only an end of term ceremony. They were all dressed in the best shirts or dresses, of course not defining whether it were the boys who wore the shirts and the girls who wore the dresses. "You don't like it?"

"It's VERY stylish, Mr Uchiha", Aiden said.

"Thank you for naming me correctly, Aiden."

"YOU'RE EVEN MORE HANDSOME NOW!" Angelica screamed. She'd been to the school nurse and, lo and behold, she'd found she had ear wax plugs meaning she didn't hear very well. She had an appointment booked to get rid of it next week and would then, hopefully, stop screaming.

I blushed and pulled my fingers through it. "Gosh, thank you." Honestly, I felt like a million dollars. It was liberating, getting all of that weight off. My hair was short, but still fell down over my ears and onto my forehead, making me feel very Japanese boy band. I also seemed to have a bit of waves now the weight of my hair wasn't there anymore to pull it down. Together with my black jeans and oversized light blue shirt, I felt... Free, I think. "We need to leave for the ceremony. Two and two, please, and let's meet outside."

The sun was beautiful outside, shining down on us, sifting through green trees. They walked to the outside stage where there would be singing. Gosh, I would miss these kids. How would I manage without them the whole summer? My heart clenched out of sorrow of how un-timely my break-up with Tobirama was.

Suddenly, a hand sneaked into mine. I looked down.

"Hello, Lisa. I really like your shirt."

She was having none of my bullshit. "You two broke up, didn't you?" she asked, looking at me so sternly I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. I knew there was no point pretending.

"You figured that out by the haircut?" I asked.

"No", she said. looking ahead. "I see it in your eyes. It's as your soul has left your heart."

Children... They would be the death of me.

Once we came back into the classroom and I'd given them all little gifts of sweets and a book each, I put my head in my arms and wept.

Unbeknown to me, I was being watched while crying.

Through one of the large windows to the beautiful school yard, Lisa And Angelica were watching.

At first, Angelica cried.

"Shh!" Lisa hissed.

"BUT IT'S SO SAD! I HATE SEEING MR SENJU SAD!"

"He's not Mr Senju anymore", Lisa said. "They've gotten a divorce."

Angelica stared at her, then started wailing at an even higher notch. It was a miracle I was so busy with my own broken heart, I didn't hear Angelica's.

"Shh! But listen!" Lisa hissed. "Here's what we'll do..."

And together, the two girls sat in the grass in the school yard, the sun shining upon them, whispering together, making plans.