Mediocrity 50% [Brallon: Deja Vu, Book 1]

11

"Awsten made me face the music and actually admit it, but for a while before that. A little bit after the art show, probably. I can't really pinpoint it. I always thought you were attractive though. I remember seeing you for the first time and thinking that you were my type and that high school me would have the biggest crush on you. I guess adult me thought the same thing," Dallon confessed.

"That's what happened in Houston?" Brendon asked. He looked into Dallon's eyes and realized that they had become that elegant blue shade of despondency again, the way they had been he and Dallon had first met. The first thing he had noticed about Dallon, his pretty, sad eyes.

"Other than Tyler and Josh's... whatever, yeah. That's what happened in Houston." Dallon said. He was fidgeting with his hands now, running fingertip pads over nails anxiously. "You're fine with me... still having feelings right? I don't want to make you uncomfortable, that is the last thing that I have ever wanted. Obviously, that seems like something obvious, I don't know. I haven't done this in years. I feel like I'm back in high school."

"I mean, romantic feelings don't exactly go away overnight, do they? I don't care much. I don't want to lose you, that's my main worry."

"You could never lose me, Brendon. Not for good. And I'm sorry that I hid for so long, it wasn't the mature decision. But please trust that I will always be here if you need it. I promise." Dallon outstretched a pinky across the table. A bit cheesy, a bit childish, but he couldn't think of any other way to get the message across. Brendon hooked his finger around Dallon's and shocks went down both of their spines.

Brendon smiled and Dallon blushed, looked away, then made eye contact. They stayed like that for a few seconds too long, fingers tangled and eyes watching each other's.

"So we're all good?" Brendon said, retracting his hand, despite wanting to keep it there, intertwine all of his fingers with Dallon's, keep their hands swinging between them while walking down the street- what. No. No, he didn't have feelings for Dallon.

He couldn't. That would be such a dick move, to reject someone, albeit unintentionally, then take it back immediately and confess. He wasn't even sure if he liked Dallon like that; this was all so confusing and the entire reason that Brendon had wanted this lunch was so that they could move on from the situation. Bury it six feet under, never mention it again.

"We're all good. I don't know about the friend group though." Dallon said, breaking Brendon's panicked train of thought with a comforting voice that made his chest feel warm.

"A lot has happened recently, hasn't it?" Brendon said, toying with the napkin on the plate in front of him. Dallon nodded silently.

"I feel bad for Taylor and Jon and both Ryans. They haven't done anything at all and they're just trying to make it better now. I feel the worst for Spencer, though. And you, but that's to be expected." Dallon said, elaborating more on his thought process.

"Yeah. We're a mess." Brendon said, pursing his lips and sighing.

"No kidding."

The rest of the lunch went rather pleasantly, Dallon trying his best to talk through all of the issues at hand without making it awkward or testing any of Brendon's very delicate boundaries. Brendon did the same, quelling his internal freakout about previous unbidden thoughts that had come out of left-field. If he was being honest, they weren't entirely out of left field. Sometimes Dallon wormed his way into Brendon's daydreams, but that was totally platonic... right?

"Hey Ryan?" Brendon asks, barreling into Ryan's apartment, slamming the door behind him. "I think I'm having a crisis."

"Not another one." Taylor groans, putting her head in her hands. She and Jon are sitting on the couch, close together. Jon appears to have been showing her something on his phone, evident from the way the positions the two were in. Ryan was in his apartment's kitchen, staring into the refrigerator intently. Brendon did not know that Jon and Taylor were there, but he didn't mind.

"I don't think I can handle another one." Jon said, bouncing off of what Taylor said. He had a point, after all. Drama had reared its ugly head, and all Jon and Taylor wanted was positivity. So, they sent each other cat videos and harassed the others with them in the group chat, that, at this point, only they used on a daily basis. To harass the rest with silly cat videos.

"It's nothing bad. At least I don't think?" Brendon said, sitting down next to Taylor and stealing Ryan's spot on his own couch.

"So. There are emotions at play here. Feelings." Ryan said, closing the fridge while simultaneously reading Brendon better than anyone ever could.

"Gross." Taylor said. "I am sick of feelings."

"Agreed. But, you should get it out of your system." Jon said, enunciating the first word. He was trying to make the friend group a safe space again, Brendon could tell. Jon just wanted everybody to feel included this time around, fix the fractures, fix the family.

Brendon baulked. He didn't exactly know how to describe what he was feeling or his thoughts out loud. He'd just barged into Ryan's apartment because he knew that Ryan would understand just by him giving him various cues towards what he meant.

"Let's put it this way. How do you know the difference between romantic and platonic feelings." Brendon said, crossing one leg over his knee and steepling his hands in a gesture towards Jon and Taylor.

"See, I've been asking myself that question for years and years."

"That's so helpful, Taylor."

"Love you too, Bren." She said, blowing a kiss in his direction. Brendon caught it and threw it across the room. Her mouth dropped open, a touch offended. He crossed his arms at her. "Come on, you love me, and you know it."

"This is true. I love you too, Taylor. Platonically. I think." Brendon joked. Obviously he didn't have feelings for Taylor, she was someone he was confident was just a friend.

"Let's hope it stays that way," she snarked back, a smile gracing her lips. She was wearing bright red lipstick, like she always was.

"If you want to kiss someone, I hate to break it to you, buddy, but that is very much romantic." Jon said, unsurprisingly being the only one to actually add some clarity to Brendon's situation.

"Not necessarily. I've kissed Spencer and I've never had romantic feelings for him ever." Ryan said noncommittally, shrugging and closing the fridge.

"When?" Taylor asked, shrieking. She sat up quickly, blinking at Ryan, who was still standing in his kitchen. Brendon was not aware of this information either.

"Like, a year ago."

"Ignoring Ryan and Spencer's torrid affair, it really depends. It's kind of a subjective topic. But, I'd say if you want to do things with that person that wouldn't be seen as platonic then it's probably not platonic." Jon said, talking over Taylor, who was trying to pry out details from Ryan.

"If you would be homoerotically shipped with your co-star in a movie based on what you want to do with this person, it is probably romantic." Ryan offered from the kitchen, a piece of advice, though niche, made sense.

"There's your example."

"That reminds me, I'm still mad about the whole Supernatural thing." Taylor brought up.

"Aren't we all?" Brendon replied to her, chuckling.

'Well, fuck,' he thought. That answered it. He knew he had feelings for Dallon, and realistically, it had probably been a lot longer than he had been ruminating upon his emotions. He'd known for a long time. It was just a matter of realizing them. And not hiding behind his cowardice. He needed someone else to spell it out for him. As the conversation with Ryan, Jon, and Taylor progressed away from Brendon's original question, a new question to obsess over came to the forefront of his mind. What was he going to do about this?