HER NIKOLAI (Her Volkovs Book 1)

Chapter 15. Meet the Russian Mafia, Mary.

The days have passed in a suffocating blur. It's like my world took a halt while everything around me went on living. The last words of Nikolai keep on coming back over and over again. I have been living in a lie with Nikolai. I fell in love with a person who has been playing me. He's right I was easy. I'm stupid. I was nothing but a stranger to him.

I have stayed in my room and in my bed for three days. I have decided to leave this place. I disposed the phone Nikolai gave me and anything that could remind me of him. I have already talked to my landlady for the early termination of my lease contract. I also decided to quit my work at St. Mary's. Dr. Thomas did not accept my resignation but he gave me time to think about it. He told me I can take a few weeks off if I want to.

I have nowhere to go to and no one to be with. Dylan hates me, Sawyer is gone, my family and bestfriend are a thousand miles away. I'm all alone, heartbroken and close to being broke. I had to pay up the landlady for the early unilateral termination of my lease. I don't want to ask my parents for support because I know they will just convince me to go back home. I have already called a motel for my temporary place. I'm at my front porch just waiting for the cab to arrive. The air is kind of chilly just like the first time I arrived here. I was happy, content and a whole person back then. Now I can't even find the right words to describe who or what I am.

The cab arrived a few minutes later. While the driver places my bags in the trunk, I looked at my door for one last time. My poor door. So many memories and so many lies.

I turn around and glanced at Nikolai's house. I spent most of my time there, in his room, apparently that did not mean a single thing. It was all part of Nikolai's play. I blinked twice and run the back of my hand on my eyes to remove the tears that are threatening to fall.

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A few minutes later I arrived at the motel. I have heard gross stories, about motels but I would rather stay in this disgusting place than be reminded of Nikolai every single time back in my apartment.

The old man holding a cat gave me the key to my room. He looked at me blankly while handing me the key. This place is sad and dusty. The whole atmosphere of the motel looks like rats and other pestilence that god has sent to mankind can live here. It's a two story old building. Few lights are on. The whole place smells like cigarette smoke. My room is at the corner most part of the building. When I entered inside my room, Im kind of surprised to see a decent looking bed with white sheets, windows, a thin white curtain and a small closet.

I placed my luggage beside the bed. I grabbed my own sheets from my bag and place it over the existing sheets. I'm not going to remove my things from my bag because I don't intend to stay here that long. As soon as I find another job, I'm going to look for my own apartment and start anew. The money I have in my bank account would be enough for the payment in the motel for at least a month.

I bought cup noodles from a convenience store across the street. I have not eaten a decent meal in days but I still don't feel like putting this food in my mouth. You have to eat Belle. You need to eat so you will have the strength to find another job, drown yourself in work so you will forget the pain.

I forced myself to finish my food. I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I look myself in the mirror. No one is coming for you Belle. It's just you now. This is exactly what you want right? Freedom? Now you have it. Think of Nikolai as a detour. A bad turn. You lost focus. Now it's time to go back on track.

I wandered on the streets near the motel hoping to find another job. After several blocks of walking my legs are getting weak again. Please legs cooperate with me. Don't do this to me. I sat on a sidewalk chair to rest and just as I am about to give up, I see across the street a small bookstore with a wanted help sign on the door.