TW:
•Eating disorder
•Self hate
They ask me what my world looks like,
But I don't give them the play by play.
I pretend i'm fine during the day,
then later reflect on the thoughts that I want to go away:
Lose the rolls, be skinny,
Stand in front of the mirror and *pretend* you look pretty.
Stand on the scale and frown with self pity,
And keep on cutting those calories.
Cry yourself to sleep every night,
Pretend that in the end you'll be alright.
But then, waking up at three am,
To puke and purge and ignore the stares from them.
They look at you in confused concern,
they tell you they see your ribs poking through your skin.
They tell you to eat and you look at them with scorn,
They tell you that you've grown so thin.
But to me, it's not enough,
Too much fat and not enough self love.
People say they worry, but do they actually care?
If I asked them for support, would they really be there..?
No, they'd turn their backs after just a glance,
Then i'd continue to shrink until my waist is too small for my pants.
I'll run my hands over my thin layer of skin,
Think 'still too much' and make more scars within.
I tell myself i'll get better soon but when Will I begin?
When will I stop this sin?
I won't get better anytime soon,
I'll wear my thick sweaters, even in June.
Maybe i'll take a sip of water here and there,
Maybe i'll stop pulling out my hair.
Maybe i'll get some oatmeal-take a bite or two,
Or maybe i'll continue to starve myself until my skin is see through.
YOU ARE READING
My poetry
PoesiJust random poetry I wrote, because why not? Most of it-well, like, all of it will be about some triggering topics like depression, anxiety, self-harm, and Eating disorders. There will also be death of children, lovers, maybe classmates-oh, there w...
