A Silence to Remember (manxman)

Chapter 4

Josh

As soon as I got home, I went straight to my room where I stayed for days. I preferred the sound of ringing to the deafening silence. It took everyone forever to realize when I said I heard nothing, I really meant NOTHING.

Every morning for the past year, I'd wake up to the heavy metal sound of Iron Maiden blaring, courtesy of Jeff's boombox. He tried it again, but now it didn't work. I slept right through the noise until he shook me awake.

As Jeff held his boombox, standing by my bed with a worried look on his face, I swiftly brought my arm down in a karate chop. I wanted nothing more than to drift off into a deep, dreamless sleep and stay there forever.

My dad bought a white board so people could communicate with me, but I didn't want to communicate with anyone. I chose to be angry. Didn't I have a right to be angry? I scrawled a series of expletives all around the perimeter of the white board. Fuck was my favorite word.

Lately I wished I had my own space; Jeff was always there, bugging me, more so than ever before. His lips kept moving, talking as if I wasn't deaf. My middle finger got a lot of use. He really pissed me off.

"Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you," I said to him, flipping him off with both hands. "Leave me alone!"

Jeff glared at me, pursing his lips, a sign he was about to kick my ass. But, instead of kicking my ass, Jeff picked up the white board and erased all the swear words.

'You can't stay in here forever,' he wrote.

Dad wrote the same thing earlier. Dad had something to tell me, but I didn't want to talk about anything. Anxiety filled my stomach as I thought about the upcoming week and school starting.

"Fuck you," I flipped Jeff off again. This last time he pounced on top of me, about to punch my face in.

I understood what he said next.

"Stop it, you shithead," he said.

"Get off me, you dick."

He sat on my lap, holding me down as he scribbled on the board. Why did I have to be so damn skinny? 'You're going to a special school. Dad's been trying to tell you ALL DAY!'

"I don't want to go to a special school," I said.

Jeff erased the board and wrote something else. 'You need to go to a deaf school and learn sign language. We'll learn, too.'

I didn't want to learn anything, and I didn't care that my brothers and Dad would learn, too. I didn't want to be 'special.' To me it was the same as being retarded, even though there was nothing wrong with my brain.

"Get off me, Jeff."

When he didn't get off me, I shoved him so hard he landed on the floor. A fist fight ensued, which led Dad and Jimmy running into the room. Dad pulled me off Jeff and Jimmy pulled Jeff off me.

Dad said something, infuriating me. Every time someone spoke, I felt utterly disrespected.

"I can't hear you!" I frantically pointed to my ears. I was so angry I didn't know what to do with myself. I already had a hot temper and lately I'd lost it at least a dozen times. My insides were burning.

Before I destroyed my room again, Dad took me in his arms as if that would make everything better. Dad sat me down on my bed as I attempted to regain my composure. While my brothers looked on, Dad sat beside me, holding a school brochure. He reached for the white board.

'You need to go to this school,' Dad wrote on the board. 'You'll get your own room.'

So what if I got my own room? Who cares? I pushed Dad's arm away before he wrote something else.