thunderstorm. [ninjago jaya]

Another Love

TW: Implied suicide of a character.

~~~

"I wanna take you somewhere, so you know I care."

Jay smiled slightly and held his hands out as a cherry blossom leaf fell gently on his cupped hand. He hasn't been here since..

"But it's so cold and I don't know where."

He shivered, re-wrapping his scarf around his neck and zipping his coat up fully. But it wasn't just cold in a physical way.

"I brought you daffodils in a pretty string."

She loved daffodils.

"But they don't flower like they did last spring."

He couldn't even look at flowers anymore without memories of her.

"And I wanna kiss you, make you feel alright."

Just a soft kiss reminded him in the night that he was safe with her.

"I'm just so tired to share my nights."

He can't sleep anymore. Not without her.

"I wanna cry and I wanna love."

Although the tears are there, nothing ever comes. They're always in his glassy eyes, however they never fall down his face and wet his freckles like before.

"But all my tears have been used up."

"On another love."

"Another love."

He didn't want to find love again; she was his only love and the only one he felt so connected with. Now, he can never see himself with someone else.

"All my tears had been used up."

And he would have no tears left to cry when his new "love" left too anyway.

"On another love."

"Another love."

"All my tears have been used up."

"On another love."

"Another love."

"All my tears have been used up."

Everything was so much harder now. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat, he couldn't shower, he couldn't go out, he couldn't do much without her.

He was always told that it would get better and he would get over her death. That he would be happy again and that he'll find another love. Or that "she'll always be with you in your heart." But when people say that they're usually wrong. Jay doesn't want a memory of her, he wants her to figuratively be there.

Why did she leave? She acted like there was no other way for happiness to be found for her, where there was.

He doesn't know where he went wrong.

"And if somebody hurts you, I wanna fight."

It was true. If Jay was hurt she'd always be there to fight back for him or with him. It was always something he admired deeply about her.

"But my hands been broken one too many times."

Even if she suffers the same struggles, she never puts her problems above his. It was never "let's talk about my problems" it was continuously fighting his battles because she cared so much.

"So I'll use my voice, I'll be so fucking rude."

He'll scream at them, at himself, to her in the night. 'You weren't as close to her as I was!' or 'I wish you were the one that died instead!' and sometimes: 'Why did you leave and not me?!'

"Words they always win, but I know I'll lose."

However the next day all he could do was apologise to everyone he saw because of what he said. Even if words and his own emotions got the better of him he truly felt horrible for what happened and just begged and begged for forgiveness as he doesn't want to lose anyone else. Not when he's still horribly struggling as it is.

"And I'll sing a song, let it be just ours."

That song. That song from the last time he saw her ethereal body before the grounds were covered back up in soil.

It constantly played in his mind. Just like the moment he walked in and saw it.

"But I sang them all to another heart."

Why did he never remind her how much he loves her and how he'd always be there to listen to her rant and cry? Why did he not stay with her? Why did he not see the signs? Why did he ever even propose if a few months later she wouldn't even be there?

Their wedding was supposed to be soon, why didn't she look foreword to that? Why didn't she stay a little longer to finally become married? Or have kids?

"And I wanna cry, I wanna learn to love."

He looked down at the blossom and felt a hot tear roll down his left cheek. It dropped onto his wrist near her bracelet, then slowly dropped down to the cold stone floor.

He couldn't do it anymore.

"But all my tears have been used up."

"On another love."

"Another love."

His body shook slightly as he squeezed his eyes shut and attempted to keep himself quiet.

His knees buckled and his face began to get even more wet, along with the flower-leaf that he held in his palm.

"All my tears have been used up."

"On another love."

"Another love."

"All my tears have been used up."

"On another love."

"Another love."

"All my tears have been used up."

Every memory they had together kept rushing into his mind while he sobbed with every bit of pain he had left in his body.

He knew she was suffering, she had always been struggling with something. From a young age she never wanted the life she had been given by fate itself, and it was obvious from the first few times they talked to the last interaction they had with each other on the cold winter day of December.

"Oh, need a love now."

"My heart is thinking of-"

Nya.

"I wanna sing a song, let it be just ours."

"But I sang them all with another heart."

"I miss you, I miss you.."

"And I wanna cry, I wanna fall in love."

"You never knew how much I loved you!"

"But all my tears have been used up."

"On another love."

"Another love."

"All my tears have been used up."

"But all my tears have been used up."

"On another love."

"Another love."

"All my tears have been used up."

"You never had to leave, my love.."