Running • Iggy

Blame

I pulled my bag from my shoulders and tore it open. I pulled out the small bottle of seemingly quite strong alcohol and a packet of cigarettes, remembering how En had laughed at my face as they handed it to me. "A little alcohol and cigs can get you a long way trading on the streets, my dear. " They had informed me. I had been planning on using it for just that and only that, trading in case things got rough. Now I shoved the packet back into my bag and pulled the bottle open, begging for anything to just take me away from this moment. I was only 15. I shouldn't even be considering drinking, but I also shouldn't have lived a life this severe. I drank, almost choking on the horrible, bitter taste.

The cold autumn air chilled me to my bones despite the wet jacket I had stolen from Iggy being zipped up to my throat. It had started raining sometime in the past 4 hours and I knew it was close to, if not already 1am, but no one had gone looking for me. It didn't seem like anyone cared, so I stayed curled up in that old, moss-covered alleyway, drinking whatever alcohol En had given to me. I didn't own a match or a lighter, so the cigarettes stayed seated in the bottom of my bag, which was thankfully waterproof to an extent. I felt somewhat warm and cold at the same time, and any major emotions that came rushing through me passed in seconds. My eyes closed as my head tilted up to the sky, chilling my skin as the harsh rain bounced off it. I went to move slightly, and managed to drop the bottle on the floor, watching the contents spill out of the glass neck and onto the concrete floor, washed away swiftly by the rain. I had no care for that either, everything was peaceful for once in my entire life.

I hadn't seen anyone pass by in now 6 hours. It had to be 3am by now, the rain slowing to a drizzle. There was no way I was going to get back into the shop at 3am, it would be locked by now. No one had come for me. Maybe they also saw what I saw now, what kind of monster I was. I think I fell asleep, head tucked into my knees to avoid the cold rain splatter. I still felt warm, and nothing was affecting me, even the thought of the others hating me. I wondered if I could look in a mirror without being angry like this.

It must've been 5am when I woke up, a few cars were driving in the street at the other end of the alleyway. It was still dark, but I could see everything. I was starting to feel colder now, and things were beginning to matter, including the small ache that was pounding in my skull, just loud enough to make itself known. I picked up the bottle I had dropped, noticing it still had a fair amount of bitter liquid inside. I downed it quickly, smiling to myself for no apparent reason. The headache was gone within the next half an hour. I was still soaked, but the clothes I wore were slowly drying off. That's when I heard a yell that sounded faintly like my name. "Is Citrus a common name around here?" I asked myself out loud, giggling at my own loopy voice. Then I heard another voice speak, saying "Citrus? Fuck, where are you?" I recognized that voice like I recognized the back of my hand. Iggy. I smiled at the thought of him, laughing again. Why was I laughing?  I heard the first voice speak again, recognizing it as Fang's. "I thought she came home last night, I swear I heard the door." Fang spoke, closer to the alleyway. He sounded worried... Why was he worried? Oh. Right, because he didn't know where I was. I began laughing again. Hide and seek! This is like hide and seek! I saw two figures standing at the end of the alley now, recognizing them as Fang and Iggy.

"What the hell... Citrus?" Fang asked, noticing how soaked I was probably. I stood up, giggling at my terrible balance. Everything was funny. "hi!" I said cheerily, running over and almost tripping in the process, carrying my backpack in my left hand. I dropped it on the floor and threw my arms around Iggy's neck. "Where've youuuu been?" I asked, smiling up at his unseeing eyes. "I could ask the same thing to you..." Iggy tilted his head down so his face was facing me. "Cee... Why do I smell alcohol? Were you drinking?" Iggy asked in an emotion I didn't understand. "Defiiine drinking." I drew out the words, giggling as I almost lost my balance while still holding on to Iggy. "How much did you have?" Fang asked, grabbing my arm and pulling me from Iggy quite harshly. "Hey! Don't pull me!" I said in a fake angry tone, before laughing. "Liiiike, most of a bottle. Dropped it at some point so some of it spilled." I pouted. "Couldn't find a lighter or I would've had a cigarette too. Ah, maybe not, heard they're very addictive." I shrugged, smiling up at Fang.