I'm Going Home - H2OVanoss

chapter twenty

"Evan, I can practically hear your thoughts."

He jumped at Jonathan's voice, thinking the other had been asleep.

"Sorry..." He mumbled. "I didn't mean to bother you."

Jon shifted his body to face Evan, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"You're not bothering me, just seeing if you wanted to talk about it." He shrugged.

With a sigh, Evan faced Jon too. His eyes silently traced every feature on the others' face, as if he needed to remember them.

"If you just want to stare, can I go back to sleep?" Jonathan giggled.

Evan smiled softly, his face heating up. "I just can't believe you're home. I think my mind just needs a little more convincing..."

Jonathan nods in understanding. "I know bub. But we'll both wake up tomorrow, and be right here."

He pulled Evan toward him, allowing the other to lay on his chest. Hearing Jonathan's steady heart beat seemed to ease his nerves.

Glancing at Jon, the moon light from the window cascaded over him, catching Evan's attention. It highlighted every feature, his sapphire eyes, and a few scars that danced across his skin.

Evan unknowingly reached up to his cheek, gently brushing his thumb over one of them. Jonathan tensed, pulling away slightly.

Evan's face flushed as he pulled his hand away quickly. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"It's okay. I'm not comfortable with them yet. They will take some getting used to." He whispered, grasping Evan's hand lightly.

Evan nodded, tucking his face away into the others' chest. Guilt weighed heavily on his shoulders, as though he'd just realized what Jonathan had endured through the last year.

Evan struggled to put his thoughts into words. Jonathan deserved an apology at the least, because he could've done something more. He should've done it all differently. He hadn't even tried to look for Jon. They all had carried on as if there was nothing more they could've done, and-

"Don't do that." Jon mumbled, pulling him from his thoughts.

Evan's lips trembled, as his eyes filled tears. "I don't know how not to. I feel so terrible about the whole thing and I-I don't know-"

Jonathan shushed him softly. "I'm not asking for an apology. I need you to understand that what happened, can't be changed. I made my choice that day, not you. And I had to live with the consequences of it."

Evan's heart broke with every word. "Why didn't you just tell me who you were sooner? I could've done something-"

"No honey. If you'd known it was me, you would've run into that base without a second thought. I didn't want to risk putting you all in uneccesary danger." Jon explained softly.

"Besides, I wouldn't have had it any other way. Because I'm here now, and that's what matters." He continued, brushing away a stray tear from Evan's cheek.

He nodded, not trusting his voice. The guilt he felt wasn't eased by Jon's words, however knowing the other wasn't angry helped some.

They laid like that for a few minutes, before Jonathan spoke again.

"Well I know you aren't sleeping tonight."

Evan frowned, yet allowed the other to drag him out of the bed. Jonathan grabbed two pillows and a blanket, still holding tightly to Evan's hand.