Forgetting The Ex

I Really Needed To Hear That

I'm surprised by all the negativity in my head.

I give him a do-whatever-you-want-to-shrug.

It was when he was at least a good five meters away from me that I wonder out loud the part of the conversation with mom that had me thinking hard.

"Do you think I wasn't sincere about the time I was with you?"

Nikhil freezes in his steps,turns around,"What?"

I shrug,looking down,"Do you?"

Since I don't have the guts to look at him,I continue to stare at the ground.

I sneak a glance at him when I don't hear a reply,to see his agitated face.

"Did Aunty say something along those lines?",he finally asks.

I frown,"That's not your business",my voice is sharp, defensive.

"Fine. Yes. I think so", Nikhil's voice is harsh,as if,for the first time,he wants to hurt me like I hurt him.

My eyes squeeze shut,palming my forehead.

Great.

So Nikhil did feel like an obligation.

No wonder he wanted a break, choosing to like/love me from a distance than bearing the pain of being an obligatory partner.

I could see now that it might have hurt him.

Feeling like an I'm doing him a favour by being with him probably sucked. Poor guy.

"Nothing else to say?", Nikhil's voice is hard,distant.

I glare at him,anger pulsing through my veins.

How dare he think I was insincere in my efforts. I genuinely do like him.

Him thinking that way made me feel inadequate.

But I understood where he's coming from, clearly.

Thanks,mom.

I hate it when I understand perfectly what the other party is going through. I need to be mature, rational.

Here, I've found out the root cause of our problem,so I need to look for a solution,rather than being angry about being called insincere ,half hearted.

Since I could detect a good amount of sarcasm, bitterness,I couldn't stop myself from snapping,"Newsflash",I smile sarcastically,"I wasn't."

Shut up, Sandy.

Didn't you just agree to solve your issues? Why are you bringing ego in between. Nikhil is hurt,he has every right to be bitter. Be the better person,assure him. A verbal spat won't do good right now.

I want to scream in frustration at all the sound advice my brain's feeding me.

Nikhil's eyes flash,"Maybe. But you certainly don't show it well in that case."

I glower at the road,trying to be calm.

Why am I so angry,when I perfectly know his issues?

These two sides of mine will be the death of me.

"I had tried",I say,my voice arctic,"Not my fault if you were blind to it."

Constructive arguments.

Mom would have given me a ten hour lecture if she sees what I'm doing.

"I am blind? You're mixing up me with you."

"Why are you being so hostile?",fight leaves my body,as my shoulders slump in defeat.

"I'm stating things as they are", Nikhil's voice is curt, his fist clenched,"Dammit,Sandy. Please don't cry."

I glare at him through tears, helpless.

How could I make him understand he was wrong?

Actions.

Not words.

Okay,maybe,I should control my words. They're spoiling the meaning of my actions.

"Here",Nikhil hands me a handkerchief.

"Thanks",I shake my head, pulling a tissue from my own pocket.

Nikhil clenches his jaw,looks away.

I've never seen him with that kind of an expression on his face.

And I didn't like it, at all

He always gazed at me with longing, love,adore,soft.

Never like this, anger, accusations,hurt.

I sniff,my senses stunned when I find Nikhil's eyes glassy too,like mine.

He reaches his hand out,squeezes my shoulder,and nods,"Don't cry Sandy. Not for me,not for anyone else",he says softly.

Something in his words trigger me as my vision grows hazier.

I laugh though,"I'm so sorry Nikhil",I apologise wholeheartedly,"I didn't know you felt that way while we were together."

Nikhil searches my face,his eyes softening,"Thank you Sandy",he swallows,"I really needed to hear that."

I had to clench my fist, nails digging into my palms to prevent hugging him.

Did he have similar urges,I fervently wished.

I nod,wiping my nose with the back of my hand,tired of the emotional baggage I've been carrying around.

"I...",Nikhil pauses, wiping my tears as he cups my face.

I relish the contact,my eyes shutting on their accord for a few seconds.

I'm nervous when Nikhil only stares at me,a smile playing on his lips as he strokes my cheek,pulls me into a hug when another tear drops my eyes.

My tears seemed to have miraculously vanished in Nikhil's arms as my heart felt at peace,at home as he shushes me,places a kiss on my hair.

Maybe it's time to stop fighting him.

Maybe it's time to fight for him,for us.

Hello darlings.

Nothing much to say here. The update kinda speaks for itself.

The ship is reaching the shore, finally. Or is it?

Do you guys like the chapter?
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Love,
Ruvya ❤️