Running • Iggy

Control

We were walking soon enough, surprised I hadn't gotten yelled at yet. Although, none of them were talking to me. They were talking to Gazzy, but I hung back behind the flock quietly, making sure not to lose sight of them. It was hard not to, my eyes always followed them wherever they went, like a hawk. I found myself wondering if I was a hawk, bringing up the previous question of what bird DNA I held.

We wound up in an empty, abandoned parking lot. I was confused about why we were here until Max spun to me, brown eyes sharp and cold with anger. Ah. That's why. "I thought you learned your lesson yesterday," Max growled. "Are you insa-" I cut Max off, knowing it was a biiiig mistake.

"Am I insane? Oooh, he could've accidentally fallen and revealed his wings, or ooooh he could've said something odd and made the children question him. Max, I'm not an idiot. At least give the kid some credit." Anger was flaring up in my stomach, making me feel nauseous and trembly from adrenaline. "You know I wouldn't have done anything that would've put their lives at risk. You act like I'm some dumb, irresponsible teen. Well, I'm not. You know as well as I do that we don't know when we're going to be seen as normal, if at all. Hell, we don't know if we'll make it out of this alive!" I was stepping towards Max as I spoke, and she was stepping back.

It was like I was viewing my world from a movie screen, like I wasn't in control. I couldn't see any of their faces or expressions, and I couldn't tell their body language. I just kept talking.

"We could be dead tomorrow, or captured by the damn School! We could never get back out of that god damn cage again, then what? I'm not a protector, or a mother. I'm a big sister, and I will do anything to see my siblings happy, even for a minute, actually living a mundane life! You might think it's in their best interest to hide from the rest of the world because you want them to stay out of anyone's sight. I don't, I want them to be able to go shopping, I want them to be able to play with kids on the god damn street! You asked me if I'm insane, well, are you ignorant? Are you ignoring their feelings? I'm tired of hiding out of fear! Let them LIVE-"

I wasn't there one second, and the next I was snapped back into reality. I could see the fear in Max's brown eyes, she was trembling slightly. Everyone was staring at me. They were afraid. Afraid of me. A new sudden burst of anger flew through me, not at Max, but myself. I took 5 steps back, away from the flock. The only thing I could think was I'm a monster. A beast. Monster. Monster. Monster.

Angel gasped. "No! You're not a monster!" She said sternly, but I was already walking further into the abandoned parking lot, anger flooding my usually perfect vision until it felt like I was looking through ice on a car window. Everything was blurry. I must've walked, ran maybe, for 10 minutes in the maze of a parking lot, row after row of old abandoned cars, some that could barely be counted as cars and more as scrap metal. I could hear talking, calling, but I wasn't listening. I found myself snapping back into focus facing a random black car, its tinted windows reflecting my grotesque tiger face. I hated it. I hated it.

As if it were reflex, I smashed my hand through the old window, the glass shattering inwards, bending to my punch. It wasn't enough. I could still see myself in the shards. In the other mirror. I could still see myself. I refused to be weak, refused to be a little shriveled ball of sobbing mess. So I was strong instead. Strong physically, at least. The only way I knew how to be. I smashed my hand against the glass that hung still in the door, and when I had finished I slammed it into the window behind it, before tearing the mirror on the outside from where it sat, throwing it hard against the pavement. It still wasn't enough. I could hear panicked talking, but I didn't care. I treated the car like it was my life, punching its old, rusting metal. Throwing my whole weight against it, feeling it dent and bend in my fury.