Desiderium

31| Rescue

A R A B E L L A

Thanatophobia.

The fear of losing someone you love.

I feel like I'm drowning. I am drowning in my emotions. I am feeling too much yet too little at the same time. Anger, sadness, and guilt are consuming me. I have been through lots of losses in my life that lead to heartbreak. But I can't even take the thought of losing my twin brother, my other half, someone I have been missing my whole life and I finally got to be reunited with. It would be like losing Noah all over again but it would be far worst this time. I can't lose Alexandre. I won't lose him. If I have to die to save him then I must die. But he will be saved and bought back home safely.

I just got him back after years of being separated. We still didn't get to make a lot of memories. He didn't get to meet the love of his life or be successful or get married or start a family. He didn't get to live yet. It's too soon for him to go.

I haven't been out of my room since yesterday when I ran to my room after the phone call with Vladimir. I am still laying on the floor, with my bleeding knocked and a big smear of my own blood on the wall next to me. I couldn't move or think or speak. I was just here. Breathing.

Was he in pain?

Was he sleeping?

Was he hurt?

"Arabella?" I heard a knock on the door. "It's Nathaniel, please open the door."

I didn't reply. I couldn't. Even though I wanted him to come in and help me. I wanted his warmth.

"Arabella." He called me again. By my name not by his stupid cheesy nicknames. "I will fucking use the spare key if you don't open it for me in this second."

Please use it. Please come in. I can't move. I was just starting at the space. It was like all those months—years even— of silent pain were catching up on me.

"Holy shit." He cursed running to me as soon as he saw me laying on the cold floor. How the hell did he get in without me hearing. Was I really that spaced out?

"Come on, baby." He softly whispered as he lift me in his arms. "I got you."

"Nate." I cried out, leaving to his touch as I felt him take me to my bathroom.

"Shh. Don't worry."

I heard the shower start running after he placed me on the closed toilet seat. "Do you want me to call one of your aunts or are you able to shower by yourself?" He turned the water off and looked at me.

"It's fine. I can do it by myself." I spoke earning a nod from him.

"Okay. That's good. If you need anything I will be waiting outside." He told me. "I will ask someone to clean off the blood."

"Why did you come here?" I asked, stopping him.

"I need to tell you some news. But I think it's better that you shower now and then we can go downstairs and discuss the matter."

"Hey, Nathaniel," I called out, stopping him again. "Thank you," I muttered.

I saw him slightly nod before silently walking out of the bathroom and closing the door behind him.

One thing I knew for sure is that I need to get my shit together in order to have my brother. I need to immediately put a stop to my little pity party.

• • •

"An abandoned hotel? Really?" Matteo commented. "Creepy much?"