Hate, actually ✔

Chapter 16

When you vote, it always means the most. <3

●●●
Chapter Playlist: Great Big Storm
by Nate Ruess

●●●

"It was terrible. All of

the things we couldn't share.
The room was filled with
conversations we weren't having."
- Jonathan Safran Foer
●●●

Maybe I need to break up with Kai. I can't keep living in this disgusting guilt. I'm going to end up hurting him or myself - or both of us.

Last night, I did a lot of thinking before sleep slowly overtook my senses on Leonardo's bed.

I realized that I've stupidly fallen hard for Leonardo. I know I love Kai, but with Leonardo it's different.

Kai feels like home, he's familiar and comforting. He's like an old favorite song that never gets boring.

But Leonardo; he drives me to the brink of insanity. What I feel for him is dizzying, a heady rush of stupid school girl emotions - describing it in detail would only make me sound like I have the symptoms of a stroke and a stomach bug. But see, I like the feeling.

He's frustrating, unreadable, rarely ever open, easily annoyed and for a businessman he's so antisocial. The latter being something I usually can't deal with, given my outgoing personality. But I'm borderline obsessed with it all, the good and the bad.

The worst part? There's more chance of me dying from a cold than him reciprocating my feelings. For all I know, he sees me as a little sister - I mean he has compared me to his cousin before. If that doesn't scream 'family-zoned', I don't know what does.

An even bigger problem? If Leonardo somehow puts two and two together, I will most probably confess my feelings if he asks. My inability to lie to the people I care about is my own personal achilles heel.

The only reason I haven't told Mom, Lauren and Steve about the fakeness of my marriage is that it's not just about me - Mom needs the money, too.

Gah! I need to speak to someone. Someone who might understand my recently discovered feelings, but as far as everyone is concerned, I'm happily married.

I'm back in my room now, pacing back and forth as I try to gather my thoughts.

I woke up on Leonardo's bed this morning, snuggled deep under his down comforter. He wasn't there when I opened my eyes but there was a blue post-it note stuck to my phone. It's had writing that I nearly couldn't read. Not quite chicken scrawl - more of a doctor's handwriting.

It read: 'Morning, Kitten. I'm off to work. I hope you feel better today. Please eat. x

P.S: You snore like a purring kitten, hence the nickname. ;)

- Leonardo

Four things struck me upon reading that note. First off, Leonardo was being playful which is such a rare occurrence, the winky face at the end of the note is so not him - it was kind of exciting to witness. Second, I was so disappointed when I read his explanation for my new nickname because I had initially thought it was a term of endearment. Pathetic, I know. Third, from the time I read the note till now, I'm overthinking the little 'x' he wrote in there. I need to seriously get a life.