as long as i'm here / / billie eilish

chapter 12 - pinky promises mean the world

Billie's pov

after our little moment i wasn't really in the mood to do anything. i just wanted to lay in bed with her all day. the fact that this girl had gone through all these stuff broke my heart. i just wanted to take all her pain away.

when mom made us lunch i didn't eat much. i felt kinda sick. after that, Skylar and i took a nap in my room, cuddling. we woke up an hour later and watched a movie. by 7pm we were still in bed.

"baby?" she called me breaking the silence and i hummed in response.

"are you okay?" she asked. "you seem like you're overthinking something".

"no, i'm fine Skylar, don't worry" i lied. i didn't want her to know i was sad because i was worried about her.

"are you sure?" she asked again and raised her eyebrow.

"yes, i'm good baby". i pecked her on the cheek and rested my head on her chest.

i was so worried about Skylar. i wanted her happy. i wanted to take care of her. i knew it wouldn't be easy at all but i didn't want to give up on her. i had fallen deep for this girl.

she was playing with my hair while i was listening to her heartbeat. i was beyond grateful for being able to listen to this heartbeat. i couldn't really believe that she could have been dead if it weren't for me. Skylar was really about to kill herself. i would lose her and i would never experience all these beautiful, intimate moments with her in just a couple days time.

all of a sudden, i started crying. i sniffled and this caught her attention.

"Billie why are you crying? wanna talk to me?" she said with pain in her voice.

shit. i didn't want her to know.

"i just don't want to lose you" i cried and hugged her waist tight.

"you won't baby, you won't" she comforted me.

bullshit.
i almost lost her three days ago. i knew for a fact suicidal thoughts don't go away easily. i wanted to fix her but how?

"you promise?". a sob escaped from my mouth.

she sighed.

"it's fine, i understand but can you at least promise you'll try?" i asked again. "i'll be next to you throughout everything"

"Billie you don't understand" she started. "it's not that simple. i can't heal fast or easily. you're gonna get overwhelmed by me and my problems at some point. you're gonna leave me like everyone does. don't make promises you can't keep"

i furrowed my eyebrows and looked at her confused. couldn't she see how much i liked her? i'd risk everything to be with her. i'd to everything to be able to hold her and kiss her. i just wanted her alive with me.

"baby, when i promise something i do mean it. i'll stick with you through thick and thin, i swear. i like you way more than you think. please, trust me. i'll do anything to be able to be with you" i exclaimed truthfully.

every single thing i told her that afternoon i meant it. every. single. word.

a tear rolled down her cheek. i wiped it off with my thumb.

"pinky promise?" she asked and held her picky finger out.

i held mine out as well and as i was about to interlace our little fingers she stopped me.

"pinky promises mean the world to me. you can't break them" she noted.

"i won't baby, please trust me"