as long as i'm here / / billie eilish

chapter 6 - confessions and cuddles

Billie lifted her head and searched for my eyes for a few seconds. she looked at me straight in the eyes and smiled.
"i'm listening" she said with a cute voice.

"okay so you know how i said i have no one and no place to go" i started and she nodded. "it all started after your show when my mom called me mad as fuck. my little brother somehow found out i'm a lesbian and snitched on me". her eyes widened when i mentioned the word lesbian. i wasn't sure if this was a good sign but i brushed it off.

"i had a huge argument with my mom through the phone and she kicked me out of the house. she said she can't deal with me and my sins"

"what the fuck this is so stupid. im so sorry Skylar you don't deserve to be treated this way". she rubbed my arm to comfort me.

"my mom said i can go get my stuff and car tomorrow morning but at that moment i was so lost so i decided there was no point in living anymore. i've struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past so it was kinda easy for me to drift back to them. but then you found me and you know the rest of the story".

"ugh this makes me so sad". she frowned her eyebrows. "i know with your current mindset you probably think everything i say is bullshit but you have so much life beyond. don't let anyone make you feel otherwise, even if they are your own parents. i know i can't really speak about this because i am lucky enough to have amazing parents but you know me Skylar, i've been at this place. and look at me now though, i'm happier than ever" she admitted.

"thanks Billie, you mean the world to me". a tear fell down my cheek and she immediately wiped it off with her thumb.

"this isn't meant to come off rude but don't you have any friends to help you with this?" she asked.

"it's not rude, don't worry you're fine. and no i don't have any friends. well i only have one, their name is Autumn, but they moved to Michigan and i never made any new friends after that"

"oh okay i understand. but from now i will be your friend. if you ever need anything i'm here"

"Billie you've already done enough for me". i really needed a good friend who actually lives here but i was embarrassed to admit this.

"Skylar" she called my name and i snapped out of my thoughts.

"yes Billie?"

"take care of yourself please". her eyes were watery, tears threatening to spill.

"i'll try Billie, i promise" i said and i let out a sob.

she put her hands around my back and pulled me in for a hug. i laid my head on her chest and hugged her waist. we were both crying in each other's arms.

i decided to open up more, not pulling away from the hug.

"i've struggled with suicidal thoughts since i was like 12. middle school was hell for me. people made fun of me, spread rumours about me, i developed many insecurities. the whole school once found out i was self harming and it was really traumatizing. it became an inside joke in random friend groups. Autumn moved at the end of that year, making everything worse for me. of course this reputation followed me in high school. random guys grabbed my ass in the hallways, no one really talked to me, you know, everything was shit. i was so relieved i graduated a couple weeks ago but now this shit happened and i don't know what to do anymore. i knew my parents were homophobic, that's why i've been hiding for years. no pride flags, no girlfriends over, no gay music. i had to hide everything. i couldn't even be myself in my own home".

my eyes were red as if i were high from all this crying. Billie was gently rubbing my back while i was talking.

"oh my God, this is awful. i'm so sorry Skylar you deserved way better. all these fucking people can suck my dick. i hate them all. if i could find them, i'd beat the shit out of them" she said angrily.

"calm down Bil it's fine" i chuckled still resting my head on her chest.

"seriously though, i hope you know i care about you a whole lot. i really hope you know these people's opinions don't fucking matter because they are dumb as fuck. you are beyond beautiful both inside and out. your life is worth living. everything will work out, don't worry. i promise" she said and kissed the top of my head.

"you promise?" i asked crying even harder.

"i promise"

Billie and i cuddled for the rest of the night, enjoying each other's company silent.

billie randomly moved and checked her phone. it was 3:30am.

"i'm tired. i think i'm going to sleep" she said and got up.

she went out of the room and returned a few minutes later holding at least 3 blankets. she placed one on the floor.

"what are you doing?" i asked confused.

"i'm sleeping on the floor. i was gonna sleep at Finneas's old room but i don't wanna leave you alone".

"billie i don't want you sleeping on the floor because of me. i'll sleep there instead, i don't mind" i said feeling guilty about this whole situation.

"no Skylar, i want you comfortable".

"well, okay but you ain't sleeping on the floor". i paused for a second before speaking up again. "we can sleep together if you don't mind. i'd like to have a cuddle buddy for tonight".

"i'd love to!". a light blush appeared on her face.

she laid next to me and slipped into the covers. i felt her arms around my waist as she pulled my head onto her chest. my stomach filled with butterflies. cuddling with Billie under her warm comforter felt out of this world. definitely the best feeling i've felt in a while.

"goodnight beautiful" she whispered in my ear holding me slightly tighter.

"goodnight Billie. thank you for everything" i whispered back and closed my eyes. i fell asleep almost immediately.

A/N: hey guys i hope you're doing good. thank you to everyone who is reading, voting, comments etc i reallyyyyy appreciate it

i know the first few chapters are kinda boring but i got shit coming :)))