22 First Kisses

19 ~ First Girls Night

A/N - music is the core of this chapter. I love adding songs to my books, and this one is for Violet. I'll tell you when to press play(;

Violet

Angela believes the best way to get over a boy is a girls night featuring wine and fine cheeses. That is exactly why she invited me over tonight three days after seeing Josh with Madeline at her birthday party. Garret is supposedly having a guys trip with his boys, so that leaves Angela alone in that massive house.

Since that day, a lot has happened. I gave my edits back to the editor at my work. He green lighted the book and sent it to Mr. Baxton for review. This basically means it'll be set in a gigantic pile of books, and he'll get to it when he gets to it. The fact that I'm one step closer to a dream of mine has been hard to grasp. While Josh did help me get out there, I'm still taking the credit for this. It's my work. I've spent what seemed like a lifetime waiting for this moment.

I pull into the driveway to Angela's gorgeous house. Even at night you can see the pretty rose bushes that outline the front of her home. Her porch light gives them a nice glow.

I get out of my car and walk up to the front door and knock. It opens almost instantly with Angela giving me a sad smile as she steps aside to welcome me in.

"How are you doing girl?" she asks me, but it takes me a moment to answer her. I can't stop staring at the scene before me. The interior is even better than the exterior. The ceiling is high, and I mean high, into the air. As you walk in it's almost the shape of an arch outlined with pretty gold. The living room is off to the right while the kitchen is off to the left. Modern chic with gray tones is the best way to put it. The living room has a massive TV mounted high on the wall with two full sized couches and a couple recliners set perfectly in front of it.

"I'm good." I say, and my voice is a little weak due to the shock of the site before me.

"Come on. Let's chat and enjoy some Screaming Eagle." I nearly choke when she says it. That's one of the most expensive wines in the world. I'm talking top ten. I would know because I've always wanted to try it, but could definitely not afford it.

I follow her into the living room and wait for the fun to begin.

~

"I just can't believe he got with her." I say as I take a bite of a piece of cheese that tastes like a fart. My face contorts, and I slowly set it back down on the plate in front of me.

"Josh has always been dumb when it comes to her." Angela says as she takes a sip of her wine.

"Why though?" I question, and Angela shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

"Madeline came into his life our senior year of high school. I personally never liked her because she was a bitch to everyone she encountered. She was a pretty cheerleader. He was a hot baseball guy. It just made sense at the time."

I get flashbacks to my own high school days. I was the band kid that I swear Josh never would have looked twice at. I was always watching the Madelines get with Joshs.

"How did they last so long?" I ask, and Angela sets down her glass on the table.

"She gave him what he always wanted. Josh wanted to be in a relationship all of high school, but he never found the right girl. I honestly think he was afraid of being alone when he got together with her. I know he did have real feelings for her, but there is zero reason they should have stayed together for that long." she says as she takes a bit of a cheese on her plate. She makes the same face I did and sets it back down.

"I just thought things were going well with us. I thought I had a chance."

"You did. I don't know what he's doing."

"How do you even know I did?"

"Because he told me Violet. He was falling for you. Hard." Her words knock the wind right out of me. That should give me some sort of relief, but it doesn't. If anything, that validation only makes my stomach hurt. If that's true, why get back with her at all?

"So why get back with her?" I ask aloud.

"Old feelings are hard to push down when the ghosts from your past show up." Angela says with a shrug.

"I wish I knew what that felt like. I've never dated anyone before."

"And that's exactly why I'm so mad at him right now. He should've been more gentle with your heart. Everything you were feeling was new." A couple seconds pass before I speak again.

"I've never liked anyone like that before. I've never told anyone some of the things I told him. He gave me a glimpse of what I had been missing all these years."

"Yeah, and you breathed life back into him. He was so dead after her. You gave him a whole new meaning on how it should really be. No fighting. Regardless of the mistake he made, he still felt something big for you. His decisions are gonna catch up to him. He's gonna regret this."

"I don't know about that."

"You don't have to be sure. I already am. I'm never wrong when it comes to him, so believe me when I say he is already regretting his decision. I saw it in his face when he watched you walk away that day."

The next few moments are coated in silence. Nobody says a word. Instead, I just take another sip of my wine.

~

Play!!

Angela started playing music 20 minutes ago, and I've been sitting down on one of the couches listening in silence. My brain is replaying every moment I spent with Josh. Every single moment. 

All I see is how awkward I was when I first met him right to the way he kissed my cheek before he left my apartment. I picture him reading my work for the first time, and telling me it wasn't as bad as I had always thought. I replay every single coffee date where we shared stories about our lives. I replay it all.

I'm trying to see where it all went wrong. Where did I mess up? Or did I even mess up? What makes her the better choice when I would have done anything to see him smile while she left him for another guy.

I picked up his pieces, and to think I only put him back together to give him right back to her.

But I can't wallow here forever. I can't let one guy define how I view myself. I'm gonna be a published author for heavens sake. I can't let this ruin me. I won't.

I get up from the couch and start to spin around with my wine in hand. The music fills my ears and makes my heart rate slow down.

I'm gonna be okay.

I feel myself let go as soon as I hear the oh oh oh oh ooohh. It's not on my shoulders anymore. It happened. It was good. He even told me we were just friends. I should've known from the start that this is all it was. All the reading and coffee dates and baseball games and slow dances at the wedding didn't mean a thing to him. He was only spending time with a friend.

I start to sway back and forth to the music as Angela eyes me across the room, a worried glance filling her pretty features.

I gave you forever, you gave a month. I've never fallen for anyone.

Hot tears flow down my cheeks as the lyrics hit me like a truck. Amazing what music can bring up what you're burrying.

I sip my wine and begin to twirl around the living room and open my arms out wide releasing it all.

I've got a good thing lined up. My life is going so good. I don't need a first kiss. I've got me.

I'm so good without.

~

A/N - what did y'all think?????