To Our Pure Little Beauty

Jungkook's love

Lisa said, “Did you know, I thought I had a terminal illness, and was going to die.”

She was smiling as she said that sentence, yet her eyes held a lingering fear, and inexplicably, a little bit of embarrassed bashfulness.

Jungkook liked this sort of bashfulness on her, even though she was carefree and shameless most of the time, but in some odd moments, she would unconsciously reveal a trace of bashfulness that came from God-knows-where, that version of her was especially enchanting. Yes, enchanting, even though he didn’t want to use such a womanly term to describe her, but it seemed like this was the most suitable term, Lisa was enchanting, it really was hilarious when you thought of it.

She said she almost thought she was going to die.  People don’t die that easily, every day, there were plenty of people who wanted to die, they cut their wrists, swallowed pills, jumped off buildings…… They were then sent to the hospital and would leave (the hospital) alive after that.

Yes, people don’t die so easily, people who grow into old age healthily, based on statistics, are of a much greater number than people who die suddenly.

Yes, as a doctor who according to Lisa’s words, was so used to seeing “strong winds and big waves”, he knew all these, yet he was still terrified by that one sentence of hers. If she was no longer around, what would he do? (T/N: Cross refer to Chapter 1)

It wasn’t that he hadn’t experienced life without her by his side, he wouldn’t die, it was just boring/senseless, it was just a sort of boredom that he wouldn’t be able to withstand long-term, at all times, it was like looking at a bomb with a very long fuse burning slowly, waiting for the moment where it would explode.

If there weren’t that few years of separation, he wouldn’t know, just how important this woman was in his life, she was so important that he had even doubted the meaning of life. “Without Lisa, life seems to have no meaning.” This sort of thinking had once accidentally surfaced, but Jungkook had very quickly skated over that thought in a taunting manner, a person shouldn’t be the mainstay of one’s attitude to life, this was a truth that need not be questioned. But Lisa would say, why shouldn’t we, I’m happy to have Jungkook be the mainstay of my life, it’s none of your business.

To him, what kind of an existence did Lisa have exactly?

Not a dream, not a goddess, not destined by fate, this was Jungkook’s love. This woman that he had started to love since he was seventeen years old, was a love that he eventually found hard to escape from, though he had once struggled with whether to fall into it or not.

Lisa was Jungkook’s love, because he had never loved any other, because he couldn’t fall in love with any other, hence his love could only be Lisa. Every time he became aware of this fact, he would always feel a sort of solemn and tragic feeling, that he only had one path which he had to walk till the very end.

Lisa turned over in her sleep, having cried till she was tired, she slept exceptionally soundly, as she had cried till her nose was blocked, there were even some slight snoring sounds.

Jungkook stretched his hand out to switch the table lamp on, Lisa only sniffed, there were no signs of her awakening. The lamp light was yellow, Lisa always said that the yellow light looked very indulgent and decadent, but Jungkook hated white fluorescent light, that overly bright feeling would make him feel like he was still in the hospital. Sometimes it even made him recall those days when he had just graduated, that period of time did not have Lisa, that period of time only had an empty vacuous busyness. Often, he would be so tired that he would fall asleep in the hospital’s shift room, when he suddenly woke up, he would be lost in thought as he gazed blankly at the dazzling white fluorescent light above his head. Lisa had once asked him why he hated white fluorescent light, he didn’t say why, and she never questioned him again. She had only quietly changed all the lights in the house to a warm yellow colour. She was never overbearing and aggressive, this was also something about her that he liked.

Sometimes, he would be asked by others what he liked about Lisa, the answer he gave was always ‘No reason’, actually there were many reasons, it was just that he didn’t want to say them. He liked how her eyes were a little watery when she smiled; he liked how when her hair was in a complete mess, she would use her fingers to rake through it, and subsequently make it even more messy; he liked how she was still kind-hearted even if she was gossipy; he liked how she would stop without going too far even though she was clingy; he liked how she trusted him unconditionally; he liked how she had her own set of reasoning and logic, and would use her own reasoning to live very well in her own world……

He liked her, because not only could she tolerate him being eccentric and hard to get along with, as well as his various attacks and various cold and detached manners, she was even able to take pleasure in doing so, such an existence, she was either a character installed exactly according to his needs and preferences in a game, or she was a nutcase……

It was very obvious that she was the latter. Jungkook laughed as he thought about it, and inclined his head to glance at Lisa sleeping beside him. Her eyes were a little red, he reckoned that they would be terribly swollen when she woke up tomorrow. She was always like this, her eyes would swell whenever she cried, yet she cried terribly easily, or rather, you could say that it was terribly easy for her to cry because of him.

Then, she had said, “I haven’t cried in such a long time, I’m crying because of you again this time.” Yet he couldn’t recall now why he had made her cry. Everyone said that when you truly loved someone, everything about her, you would remember it clearly. In reality, that was only romance conceived of the imagination, time would make you forget, would make fragments of your memory hazy and vague, vague to the point where all you were left with was a single frame. Perhaps you would remember the way tears shone in the corners of her eyes, yet you wouldn’t remember why she was crying.

Jungkook remembered that tear in the corner of her eye, it was sandwiched between her upper and lower eyelashes, on the verge of dripping down. Every time, as long as he recalled that scene, he would still be able to feel a restless urge in his fingertips to stretch across and flick it.

I can’t remember every single episode concerning you, but I have frames of you that I will never forget in my entire lifetime.

Lisa suddenly made a ‘hmph’ sound with a crying tone of voice as her left hand waved about in the air, then she turned over, back facing him, and quietened down again. Jungkook stared at her back, lost in thought for a while, then his left hand went over to lift her head slightly from the pillow, while his right hand passed through under her neck. He then supported her head as he placed it back on the pillow, his left hand gripped her shoulder and gently turned her over, while his right hand then seized her, Lisa, following the force of his movements, was pulled till her head was resting between his arm and his chest. Lisa seemed to find the position amiss or was smothered, her face rubbed back and forth against his chest, and with great difficulty she found a comfortable position and began to snore once again.

Jungkook brushed away a lock of hair that she had rubbed against his mouth, and sighed with a smile. In the dark lighting, his dimple on one side became a deep black spot.

Lisa said there were better girls in this world, yes, why did he only want her? If he really must answer, he could only answer it this way, because – “You can cry in front of me, you can snore in front of me, yet I won’t find it irritating in the least.”