The Love She'll Never Have ✅

Ch. 7

Drift POV 
All I can think is will Jamie end up crying today? I hate how often she's been crying, and there's not much I can do.
It's funny seeing Crosshairs making sure this a space between him and Jamie. I wouldn't get mad if he was hugging her while they slept. He'd only do that if she wanted him to.

I go back to my room, get dressed, and sit on my bed thinking about something we can do to make Jamie happy today. The problem is we don't want to force her to do anything. At least there's plenty to do here, so I don't have to make her leave the house.

Sunstreaker waits in the hallway; it's still strange seeing how concerned he is.
"What are we going to do?" He asks, "I mean you and Crosshairs."
"This is going to take time, and we don't think it'll help if it's only the two of us helping her," I explain.

Crosshairs walks out of Jamie's room ten minutes later as Sideswipe walks downstairs. We make a possible plan to get Jamie to do something fun today.

Jamie POV
I'm so tired of this shit. Either no human wants to be friends with me, I struggle with anxiety trying to talk to people, or my friends in other dimensions worry too much about me. It seems adults don't want to be friends with me, and the problem with being friends with teens — if they want to be my friends — is the fact I'm over eighteen and  there's adults who target teens for shit; which could result in teens' parents being furious their kid is talking to me. Then my anxiety and shyness... I don't know if I should give up trying to make friends in my dimension and just deal with hating I have no friends back home. Just something else to deal with. Before I end up crying, I concentrate on using my instant transmission to get to a good spot in the woods.

Tears already roll down my face as I walk to the edge of the river and sit on the large rock and let myself cry.

I don't know how much time passed before I hear peds running.
"Jamie?!" Sunstreaker asks, alarmed.
Fuck, he probably thinks I hurt myself.
I was expecting to feel his servo around me, but I hear nothing for a few seconds. I look to see Sunstreaker activated his holoform and is texting likely Drift. Once he finishes, he sits on the rock beside me and moves me onto his lap in a hug. I can't stop crying as I lean on him.

Sunstreaker POV
I hate this; she now thinks she needs to deal with this shit and crying alone. That fucking bitch really added to Jamie's sadness. I'm not sure if the fact I'm trying to comfort her isn't helping her, yet she isn't trying to get away from me.
"Shh, it's ok. You know how much we care about you."
Damn glad we're in the woods where no one can see this.

Drift texts me how he's often able to get Jamie to calm down. I'm already doing most of the steps. Odd a slow rocking motion can help, but I'll try. I'd rather not go back to the house while Jamie is still crying. I doubt the others will think I can't calm Jamie down or she's scared of me, but I want to know I can calm her down myself. A step towards being friends. I feel like we just respect each other.

Drift sends another text telling me if Jamie is really challenging to calm down, I could try a drive.
Do you know for sure she's not scared of me, Drift?

I should be bothered by the fact he has instructions on how to calm Jamie down, but also I suspect he and Crosshairs have used the same methods on Jayce and J.R. when they were struggling mentally and emotionally.

I few minutes pass before Jamie is not only quiet but has fallen asleep. The house isn't too far from here, and no humans come around here. I can leave my bipedal form here and walk back to the house.

It's no surprise Crosshairs, and Drift are waiting for me out on the porch. I was expecting Drift to take Jamie from me, but the two mechs follow me to Jamie's room.

I put her in her bed and cover her with the blankets.

The left shoulder of my shirt is covered in snoot. Crosshairs and Drift follow me up to my room, and I get a clean shirt. I didn't know Sideswipe was in the room.
"Not again," he sighs in frustration.
"Where'd you find her?" Drift asks.
"WHAT?!" Sideswipe exclaims.
Even I didn't think Sideswipe would react like this, but we should have known since we've all been worried Jamie will try to end her life.
Explaining what happened didn't ease his worry.
"This isn't good," he frets.
"I don't think this depressed period is ending any time soon," Crosshairs worries.
"No," Drift replies in a sad tone, "this is a complicated mess with no answers."
We watch a tear roll down his face before he leaves the room. Crosshairs sits on the bed beside Sideswipe and sighs. I hate how there's nothing we can do but watch our friend struggle.

Drift POV 
I hate this; even in the nine years I've known Jamie; things kept going downhill. The last three years have been rough. Doesn't help Jamie doesn't want to live here. I know it's like she refuses help, but part of it is she's used to being alone. She now hates that, and I hate how she feels alone, even with all of us.

I lie in Jamie's bed and move her on top of me. Crosshairs walks in ten minutes later and lays on the bed.
"She'll be ok; it's just more of a challenge this time," Crosshairs assures me.
I know he's worried about Jamie ending her life; what Ratchet means by her struggles are affecting her health; not liking there's not much much we can do to help Jamie. Like everyone else, he doesn't like how complicated our friend is, how we're the only ones that understand even if there's many of us in this dimension alone.