The Love She'll Never Have ✅

Ch. 1

Drift POV
I don't like how bad this depression period is; I think it's the worst it's been. I wish I were exaggerating watching Jamie sleep for almost two days straight, waking up to drink water or eat a little candy. I know it's the worst for her, but I felt there was no way I would get her to eat anything else. I worried she was slowly dying. I had Hound take a look at her after using a low dose of sedative. It's good he said it's just depression, yet I'd rather it be something we can treat within a few days.

After what Jadin said to her, Crosshairs and I got her to come back to our dimension. We've decided to go back to Cade and Vivian's home in the U.K. with several other Autobots.

We all watch Jamie in no mood to do anything she loves. I hate she had plans for both her writing and YouTube channel, and now she has no interest. She doesn't want to eat much. To most, she's on a good sleep schedule; asleep by eleven PM and up at seven or eight, but to us; it's not normal for Jamie.

"Hey," I hear Crosshairs.
How long has he been sitting next to me?
"I don't want to talk about it," I try to say without showing my sadness but fail.
Crosshairs hugs me close to him but says nothing.

Later

Drift's Nightmare
I'm sitting in my room when I feel something is off. I rush to Jamie's room to discover a horrifying scene.

"HELP!!" I yell, hoping someone will hear me, but I realize they won't be able to help as I hold Jamie's body, blood rushing out of the wounds she gave herself. I don't even want to know how she hurt herself. 
Cade, Crosshairs, and Hound rush in quickly. Crosshairs fights me to let Jamie go.
"NO!!" I cry, but Crosshairs picks me up and carries me out of the room and to his room.

We don't have to wait long for Hound to tell us there's nothing he can do; Jamie is gone.
I dread he carried her to us as I hold her close to me and cry.
"I-I love you," I sob, "I'm so sorry I couldn't help you. The only way you're free from this pain is..."
I lean onto Crosshairs though I know tears are rolling down his face. Jamie may have been my girl, but we both felt like we were her family.  I barely see the others in the room, saddened by the sight through my teary eyes.

Crosshairs POV
Oddly, I'm up at two in the morning and thinking I need to check on Drift. Jamie is asleep in the same room with Izzy and Tessa; I know she's ok. The

Drift is crying in his sleep; damn, I know what his nightmare is about. Not the first time. What's different this time is he sits up and screams. I'm glad I closed the door.
I get on the bed and hug him.
"Drift, it's just a nightmare."
He hugs me and cries. He'll never know I've had the same nightmare a couple of times, but I also dream Drift ends his life. I can never tell him this.

It's a long ten minutes before Drift calms down and lays back down. I make sure he falls asleep before going back to bed in my room. Thankfully, he won't have another nightmare tonight.

"How long has he been having nightmares?" Ratchet asks as I close the door. 
"This is the fifth time in three months," I tell him, "he had a few during the nightmare situation, but like Jayce and J.R., the nightmares stopped once Jamie recovered."
"Problem is there's no recovering this time."
"In a way, there is. You know Jamie goes through periods of being very depressed, but it's been terrible this time."
I figured Ratchet would suggest talking about this with Prime tomorrow.