(G)I-DLE: First (18+)

The Face of Temptation

As much as I wanted to bug Soyeon the entire night for the girl’s identity, I think it would ultimately become a waste of time in the long run. I know Soyeon well and she did say previously that she wanted to keep it as a form of respect to whoever the member was. If I didn’t know better she would not even tell her identity to me, I don't even know what I'd do with that information in my head. I’m completely fine with it especially now that I have a lot of stuff to prioritize with the company.

However I can’t deny that having that conversation truly made me way relaxed for a lot of stuff. I don’t know why I was so surprised about it because it has always been the same thing every time that I talked to her. I was really emotionally loaded after I left Tahiti because of the events with the other members, and while there was nothing that was solved with Soyeon and I’s supposed ‘date’,  I felt like I have a perspective on things that I never saw before. Soojin and I’s fallout did not weigh that heavy after everything else that we’ve talked about, in all honesty.

It was a really exhausting and emotional night and we both elected to head home as soon as she paid for the entire date. She then immediately fell asleep on the passenger’s seat of the AMG leaving me to drive in silence as I listened to the soft rhythm of the engine and Ikon’s Love Scenario playing on the background.

I can already feel the sleep coming my way and I rushed the AMG through the highway before I could even succumb to my tiredness. I no longer even have time to think what we’re going to do once we go there but honestly I’m not thinking of anything else. She has been so nice to me that I just want to drive her there and conclude the day; where I’ll spend the night on would be a problem I would think about later.

Hopefully I could still drive at that point.

Maybe the really long talk with Soyeon back there let my mind loose of most of the weighted thoughts I was having, but instead of making things easier for me it did the literal opposite. Yes, I was indeed more focused now with everything that had happened and all that; and I even had a new outlook on things better than the ones I have been carrying all vacation long but now that I have let all of the unnecessary things out it felt as if the ones I really should have been thinking were now going on and on inside my head.

And it all began with a single strand of thought: Soyeon was right all along. I never did admit to myself of my feelings for Soojin and the way I left her back at Bora-Bora was the ideal ending I had inside of my head.  I definitely want her to go back to the Soojin that greeted and walked me back to their dorm when I met them for the first time and I think that was the only way to do it. I wanted her to realize what she’s facing even if I had to be really harsh towards her. I wanted her to realize what had happened to her because of me.

That awfully felt so long ago already.

But if I ask myself if I really love her the way that love was supposed to work, I really can’t give an honest answer.

Soojin and I never had any ‘solid’ relationship in the first place as everything was just anchored on the intimate moments we shared together. Taking that out the story and one would have a person who’d go really jealous at me for staying with her other members.

However, I do not want to think badly of Soojin because I had fault for everything that happened as well. But whatever happens in the future would be for the future to decide because I spend way more time overthinking about things more than I should. Right now, my best bet would be to distance myself temporarily from her while she gives herself time to think and reflect on everything.

As promised, I never would close any doors for her because I still want us to end up nicely in the end, even if not a formal couple but a pair of friends if that is even possible.