Florida Kilos

Hit and Run

Here I was again, tears on my steering wheel and Amalita in the backseat questioning where we are off to now. I was running away from my mistakes, like I always do. I wiped the tears from my face and unbuckled my seatbelt. We parked at a public rest stop in Orlando. I helped Ama out of her car seat and I locked the car doors shut. The stop was fairly populated with families probably on vacation. It was the middle of June after all.

"Do you need to use the restroom?" Ama nodded her head as she held on tight to my hand. We walked to the information building and straight to the women's restroom. I followed her into an open stall and helped her use the toilet. I tried carefully to be as sanitary as I possibly could. Public restrooms always made me feel uneasy. Once she was done, we both washed our hands and went back to the car.

I continued to drive nonstop, only stopping to get snacks for Ama. It wasn't long until I made it the familiar neighborhood. I made so many memories here, so many that I can't even remember them all. Every house on the block was painted a different bright color. Each yard having its own personality of pink flamingos or plastic gators. But the one that caught my attention, was a pale pink house with terracota roofing. There was shrubs and beautiful flowers surrounding the perimeter. The grass was a luscious green with sprinklers on either side of the front yard.

I pulled into the driveway, that already had a car taking majority of the space. I parked the car and got out; helping Ama with her seat along the way. I held her in my arms as I approached the front door. Ama laid her head on my shoulder, half way knocked out from being up the whole ride. I knocked on the door a couple of times and rang the doorbell as well. I waited there for only a quick 10 seconds, before the door slightly cracked open," M-Marina?"

I had my head down, not wanting to face the woman in front of me," Marina what are you doing here?" I finally picked my head up and was met with a beautiful woman. Her hair was slightly graying in the front, but was still a sandy brown shade. Her facial features matched mine exactly, but was obviously way older than I was. I continued to stay silently not knowing what to say or how to answer her question. It has been 2 years since I seen her or even spoke to her.

I could hear her sigh as she opened the door more wide," Come in," I glanced at her and she lightly pushed me in," come on, so you can explain yourself." I still held Ama in my arms as I took a seat on the couch in the living room," Mama I know it's been a while—" She walked in front of me and held up her hand, halting my words. She grabbed the remote from the coffee table and muted the television," Continue." She walked over to the loveseat that was adjacent from the couch.

I cleared my throat," I know I haven't been around lately—and I am extremely sorry for that." I could feel a tear stream down my cheek," I wanted to come and see you and talk to you, but I just—I just feel like I disappointed you. And I keep doing it, time and time again." I could feel Ama wrap her arms around me and squeezed me tight," But I am lost right now and you are the only one I can come to."

Suddenly, as I was wiping the tears from my face, I could feel my side of the couch sink in and another pair of arms embraced me," I love you Marina—I will never stop loving you," She held my face in her hands and pecked my cheek multiple times," You are NOT a disappointment. I can't keep you from making mistakes, but I can always help and guide you the best that I can."

I looked up at her, and she smiled down at me," You are my sugar bun and I love you so so much—You can stay here as long as you need, okay?" I nodded my head and returned a smile to her," Thank you mama." I looked down at Ama who was still holding on to me for dear life," Ama do you remember her?"

She lifted up her head and turned to Mama," A little bit." Mama and I shook our heads and chuckled," This is your Granny—She's the one that gave you Daisy when you were a baby." Ama's eyes lit up at the sound of her stuffed animal's name and grinned big," You gave me Daisy?" Mama nodded her head," I sure did." Ama stretched out her arms and jumped into her lap," Thank you, thank you, thank you—she's the best gift EVER!"

Mama held her tight in her arms," If you're good, there's more where that came from." Ama turned to me and back to Mama,"Really!?" "Mmhmm, but you have to be on your best behavior." Ama gave her the thumbs up and nodded her head," I will!"

I reached for the pasta in the pantry and handed them to Mama," So why did it take you 2 years to come back and see me?" She questioned as she poured the pasta into the pot of boiling water. " I lost my job and lucky enough my house burned down too." Mama turned to me and placed a warm hand on my shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze," I really do feel like a failure—I mean just look at Chris, he went to college, has a wife, traveling the world," I shook my head," And I can't even keep a roof over me and my daughters head."

Mama placed her other hand on my shoulder and shook me," Stop comparing yourself to your brother—You are two different people with two different life paths and choices." She gently rubbed her hands up and down my arms," Stop putting yourself down, you wouldn't want Amalita to hear what you are saying about yourself—would you?"

I shook my head," No..." "Exactly, that little girl in there thinks the world of you—now is not the time to be doubting yourself, you have to be strong for you and for her." She was right. Damn it she's always right. She wrapped her arms around me and I did the same. Being in her arms like that again brought me back to when I was a little girl. I always felt so safe in her arms, in her presence," I love you Mama." "I love you too."

We held each other for what seemed like ages until we heard the pot steaming and boiling over," Shit!" Mama quickly let me go and tended to the boiling pasta. She turned down the stove and drained some of the water into the sink. She brought the pot back over to the stove and poured the chicken and sauce she prepared earlier into the pot," Have you heard from that asshole Cesar lately?"

"H-He's dead..." Mama glanced at me with wide eyes, but she twisted her mouth," Hmph serves him right," she raised her hand to the ceiling and touched her heart," forgive me lord." "Mama that's still Ama's dad." "Mmhhmmm, that bastard tried to come up in MY space and threaten my life—No there's a special place in hell for him and he's rottin' in it." I shook my head and watched her stir the pot," I always thought he would try and get clean, get off the streets for Ama, but I guess she wasn't enough for him..."

"He was a low down dirty shame of a man anyway—nothing could've saved him. Not you, not his mama, not even his own daughter—Now THAT is a disappointment." "Yeah, I guess you're right." Mama turned to me wide eyed," Guess? No m'am that's a fact—Now go on and get you and Ama cleaned up, the food's ready."

I did what I was told and woke Ama up from her nap. We both washed our hands and went into the dining room. Our plates were already at the table and overflowing with chicken and pasta. Just like how it use to be when I was younger. A smile was brought onto my face as the smell hit my nostrils. It was good to be back home.