Living With the Choices We Make (Domestic Violence / Abuse) ✔️

22 - Do You Think He Can Forgive Me?

"Do you think that was fair?"

Hell no – but it was certainly easier than blaming myself. "Life isn't fair. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here."

For a moment, he is stunned by my stubbornness. We just stare at each other, both not wanting to admit that we could really use a break after all.

He manages to regain his composure first. "Did your father ever tell you why he didn't fight for you in court?"

I nod. "He had some lame excuse. Apparently, social services almost took me away after my mother's death because of his drinking – that's why he stopped. He was terrified if I brought up all those allegations, I would end up in the foster care system and he felt that was worse than being with Brent. He claimed he had no idea about the abuse."

"But that's not good enough for you?"

"I don't know." I'm surprised at the shrillness in my voice.

"Hey, calm down or they will put you into a straightjacket."

I narrow my eyes. "Can they actually do that?"

"If they fear you may attack me."

I am trying to control the turmoil inside me. "Tell me, doc, what would you do?"

"About your father?"

I nod.

"Well, I think you will have to learn to accept the choices you both made. That's what people do who love each other. They might never agree, never understand, but that doesn't mean they should turn their back on each other. Acceptance doesn't equal approval."

He is such a smart ass but he may have gotten it right this time around.

"I don't know how to take the first step," I admit

"Maybe you should tell him that you love him the next time you see him."

I can't hold his gaze. "Do you think that will be enough?" I whisper.

"Telling someone that and really mean it goes a long way."

"Do you think he will forgive me?"

He smiles. "I think he already has. He just hasn't figured out how to tell you."

That's a comforting thought.

"How about you, Rena?" His tone is all of a sudden really serious. "Have you forgiven yourself?"

That's cruel. Deep down, I know that I will never forgive myself – after all, I took a human life. I don't deserve forgiveness.

"That's none of your business," I snap. "We went way off track. This has nothing to do with Brent."

He doesn't even seem surprised by my outburst. "Fair enough. We will get to that later."

I glare at him. There won't be any later if he doesn't zip it. I won't talk about my guilt and if he wasn't careful, I wouldn't care about the straightjacket.

"So, let's get back to the night at the shelter," he suggests. "You said you were determined to stay away from Brent. You even swore not to let him steal another day from you. What happened that made you change your mind?"

I rub the bridge of my nose, I was starting to get a headache. He notices my discomfort and pushes a bottle of water in my direction. I twist the top off and take a few swallows. That actually makes me feel better.

I belch and he cringes in disgust. "Excuse me," I grin, enjoying his irritation.

"You are on thin ice this morning," he scolds. "You are getting way too comfortable around me."

"Well, regard it from a positive angle. A belch shows that I'm starting to be myself which is a form of trust which in turn will eventually allow me to answer all those obnoxious questions of yours."

He lets the air escape through his lips with a loud hiss. I love it when I get to him.

"For now, I would already settle for the question I just asked you," he sighs.

"Ok, let me think." I play with my cuticles which annoys him even more. "Oh now I remember. Thanksgiving happened."

"Thanksgiving?"

"Yes. That holiday with the turkey and the stuffing."

He gazes at me vacantly, waiting for me to continue but I don't do him the favor.

"What happened on Thanksgiving?" he finally asks.

I smile complacently. "Before I can tell you about that, I have to fill you in on the rest."

He runs his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Get on with it, will you?"

I cup my hands behind my head, totally relaxed now. "Ok, where do I start?"

Based on feedback received in some of the earlier chapters, readers were really questioning dad's behavior during the emancipation proceedings and I hope this chapter sheds some light on his reasons.

Please leave comments (they do help and this chapter would probably not have been written otherwise) and if you liked this chapter, don't forget the voting button. Thanks for reading and your support :)