Acumen: Riddling Life

(51) Old fears [Adrien's POV]

And just like that, I was moments away from losing her forever. From losing my Eleanor.

I squeeze my eyes shut.

Fear and pain are nothing new to me, but this terror hit me differently. It was way too different from the phone call by the police that night, but the same in some ways too. It was etched with the finality of death.

I can't even imagine what it would have been like if I couldn't have found her or she wouldn't have opened her eyes. Agony jabs my heart and engulfs me.

She was on the brim of death. Because of me.

I shouldn't have listened to her and told the captain to return to the shore.

I should have known better, I tried so damn hard to keep Soph away from her, but I failed. All along, I knew she was a danger to Eleanor and yet I left her alone. I shouldn't have done that. Maybe it was for the best if I had kept my distance from her. But I can't. I tried but I can't, it's impossible to stay away from Eleanor. She's the brightest burning flame, and I'm a moth that can't get enough.

I can't push away the sickening sense of losing her, or the thought that she was mere moments away from death. Of ceasing to exist. Of never opening her eyes again, never being able to hear her voice, see her smile. She was mere seconds away from all of these.

I was going to be the reason.

The sound of my uneven breathing mingles with the sound of water hitting the ground. My knees are barely holding me up as the thoughts rush in circles in my head.

I must pull myself together and I also need to check up on her. So I focus on my breathing, ignoring everything else until it turns normal.

Enough being pathetic for one day.

I push my hands through my hair. Everything is fine and under control.

With that thought I straighten myself, forcing my brain to pull itself together before standing underwater for few more minutes, keeping my mind void of any thought and then shutting the faucet.

I step out and dry myself, and put on fresh clothes.

Calm and collected, that's what I must be but yet I'm unable to push away the shock and fear. My insides are still fidgety.

I step out of my cabin and I'm faced with Sophia, leaning to the wall. She pushes herself off the wall and takes a step towards me, but I can't face her right now. No, I need more time to be able to keep my temper in check.

I ignore her as she calls my name as I stride towards Eleanor's room.

Just as I reach there, Ari steps out, her eyes land on me. She looks up, and  reassures, "She's fine." After a long pause, she adds, "I was just going to get something warm for her to drink."

I nod.

A beat of silence passes between us, Ri pushes a strand of hair away from her face and fixes her gaze on me, "Are you okay?" she asks in a quiet voice.

"Yeah," I reply and she offers a weak smile.

"You're gonna stay with her?" she questions.

I stare at the closed door and mumble, "Yeah."

"Tell me when you're done, I don't want to interrupt," she smiles and I roll my eyes. Arianna smirks and walks away, leaving me alone in the narrow hallway.

For a moment I gaze at the door before resting my hand on the doorknob. I push my free hand through my hair before knocking.

From the other side, I hear shuffling sounds followed by Eleanor groaning, "What now, Arianna?"