Rain | Harry Styles

BONUS CHAPTER #1

I straddled his lap as his hand reached out to curl around my chin, as I deliberately kept my hands from his view. I threw my arms over his shoulders, the piece of plastic balanced between my fingers as I debated how to tell him. It almost slipped my mind when my eyes met his; it was so incredibly easy to get lost in his irises of olive green, tangled in his chocolate-brown curls. He was so captivating - every inch of him.

His fingers lightly pinched at my hip, "Oi, earth to Ana Grace."

God, I knew he'd be an amazing dad. He didn't even know it, but I did. I could see him already, filled with unprecedented patience for our little one, gripping their hand at every given hurdle. He didn't even know it yet, and he wouldn't believe it, but I did; I really did.

"Do you want a son or a daughter?" 

His eyebrows furrowed, his smile dropping from his face. He knew I wasn't simply posing a casual question. The way he stared at me, now, his lips parted in partial shock, partial confusion - the way he was pressed against me in complete silence. His movements against my body stilled; his hands frozen upon my waist, and the playful bounce of his legs halted. It was rare that Harry Styles was lost for words - but here he was.

He had yet to speak, and I couldn't help but think back to when we were teenagers. Six years ago, when we had been seated in this very position. His hair was longer, then - pulled back into a scruffy, adolescent bun that he somehow always tied with such ease. His eyes were just as captivating as they were now, his scent just as hypnotizing. He would smoke, then, blowing it between us as we sat inches from each other's faces - he didn't do that, anymore. I remember when he'd set his final pack down in front of me, a determined grin upon his lips. He said he didn't need them anymore.

Six years ago, I'd sat in my childhood bedroom, on his lap, and I told him that I loved him. I remembered the fear that had engulfed me, as he'd drawn back from his hold on me, to watch my eyes as tentatively as he did now. But this time, I wasn't afraid. I didn't fear losing him as a result of my admittance; I didn't fear him running away, nor did I fear changing the dynamic of our relationship, irreversibly. I knew him, now, better than I'd ever known him. He was still the curly-headed, grumpy, know-it-all boy I'd met all those years ago. But he was mine, unmistakably, and undoubtedly. He always would be.

At his sustained silence, I could truly hear the downpour outside, hammering against the pavement. I loosened my arms from around his neck, and leant back in his grip so that I could bring them between us. I showed him the test, grasping it between my fingers. His eyes fell between us, eyeing it carefully, almost suspiciously.

Harry spoke, finally - softly; cautiously, as if he didn't dare to break the silence between us. "Are you sure?"

I couldn't stifle the smile that overtook my face, one of my hands lifting to rest upon the side of his face. I drew my thumb over the smooth skin of his cheek, a small flutter making itself known in my chest. I knew he trusted me - just as I trusted him with everything I had. But he'd been hurt before; let down before. I knew he didn't ever expect me to disappoint him, but I still knew him. 

My Harry had grown up disappointed by so many around him - he'd experienced such extreme loss, such hardship and such difficulty. I knew that would never simply go away. I'd seen him change in the years I'd been lucky enough to know him - he'd become brighter; he dared to be more hopeful, and he had confessed to me on a number of occasions that he truly felt able to instil faith into the family we'd created for ourselves - faith in me, in Tasha, in Liam, and in Luke. The bonds we'd made had extended so far beyond high school, and I knew he treasured them as much as I did.

But I knew he still somewhat feared that, one day, he could lose it all. That, somehow, we'd all disappear and leave him back where he'd started - alone. I knew that, deep down, he didn't doubt how unwavering my love was for him - how nothing could truly ever take me from him. I would love him, unconditionally, forever. But that sneaky, tricky fear would always play in the back of his mind, that one day, he could lose it all.