Nothing ever Changes

16

When I'm sure Jake is okay, I get up to go into the kitchen. DJ's leaning against the wall, tapping at his phone. He looks up.

"Hey," He says. "Everything okay?"

I sigh. "No, not really. Jake's boyfriend is in the hospital, and that brought back some bad memories, but I think he's alright for now. Thank you so much for driving me here. By the way, I'm never getting on that thing again."

"It's okay." He smiles. "It's the least I could do."

I give him a kiss, then pull out my phone. "I need to call Ace."

"Ace?" He asks.

"Uh, yeah, he's Jackson's brother, and my...uh..." My voice trails off. What am I supposed to say? He lifts an eyebrow.

I decide to say nothing, and call him.

"Hey." He says quietly.

"Hey. You heard about Jackson?"

"Yeah. I'm at the hospital now."

"How is he?"

"I'm not sure. Nobody will tell me anything."

"Oh. He's not..."

"No."

"Good."

"Does Jake know?"

"Yeah. He had a panic attack."

"Is he okay?"

"I think so."

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, are you okay?"

"I'm-" He takes a breath. "No. No, not really."

"Oh..." I bite my lip. "Okay, hold on."

I mute myself, and walk back to the bedroom. I look to where Jake and Ari are eating on the floor. "Jake, is it okay if Ace comes over?"

He hesitates, but nods slowly. I smile, and go back to the kitchen.

"Do you want to come over?" I ask Ace.

DJ's eyebrows go up, but I turn away.

"Can I? I don't think I can be home right now."

"Yeah, call me when you get here."

"Thank you."

"It's nothing. But maybe avoid Jake a little, okay? I'm not sure if seeing you will trigger anything.."

"Okay. I'll come over when I leave here."

"Bye."

"Bye."

I hang up, and look up at DJ, who is frowning. "Um."

"Who was that?" He asks.

"Ace...That guy I was telling you about."

"The one you're also dating?"

"Yeah. That one."

There's a look on his face that I can't read. "Okay..."

"I'm not trying to kick you out, but I don't know if you guys will get along, because of this whole thing." I make a useless gesture at the both of us.

"Mmh."

I frown. "What does that mean?"

"Nothing. Do you want me to leave?"

"No. But I also don't want to overwhelm Jake. You remind him of Car-someone we used to know, and Ace looks like Jackson, and I'm not sure how much he can handle right now."

"Okay." He nods. "I'll leave."

"Wait," I say, grabbing his hand. "Don't be mad."

He sighs. "I'm not."

"Jealous?" I smirk.

He rolls his eyes, and kisses me. "I'll text you later."

"Alright. I'm sorry."

He smiles. "Don't be."

Eventually, he leaves, and I go back into the bedroom. Jake's asleep, with his head on Ari's shoulder. They look up at me.

"I'm sorry. About what I said earlier."

I sigh, and sit beside them. "It's fine.

"Why was he wearing sunglasses?"

"I don't know. He always wears them."

"Hm."

We sit in silence for a while. Ari wraps an arm around Jake.

"You were right." I say. "About what you said earlier."

"You fell in love with DJ?"

"No! I fell in love with Him."

"Don't you think this is going the same way?"

"No. I can control my feelings."

"No you can't. If you could, you would've stopped this thing weeks ago. How long are you going to do this? They'll have to meet eventually."

"I know. But it'll be fine. I can make this work."

"This isn't like you. You said no dating at all, and now you have two boyfriends? Both of which you're getting very attached to."

"They aren't-okay, yes, but I can't just hurt them. I do like them both, and I haven't felt this way in a long time, but I won't let it get farther, okay?"

"It's not a bad thing to fall in love, you know." They say quietly.

I sigh. "I know. But I don't like losing people. Nothing's going to change.""

"But you aren't even giving them a chance."

I sigh again. I know they're right.

"I don't know." I say.

We go back to silence, and at some point I fall asleep.