If We Knew

Chapter 14

TW: Strong mention of poison, suicide, self harm, eating disorders. 

Note: No argument actually happened, and these people are still very much amazing. But due to the fact this was if we knew each in real life, explaining how my memory card broke and i lost everything wouldn't do it justice. The ones who supposedly stuck by me are those with wattpad. I won't tag them because I don't want to trigger them.

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I sat on my bed, tears streaking down my face. Everyone else was down at supper, but not me. I'd just had the biggest argument with my friends. Now all of them wouldn't talk to me. Well, when I say all, I mean most. 

Because I still had Caity. I still had Ellie. I still had Nev. I had Max, even though we weren't close. Heck, even the head girl wouldn't talk to me! And you know why?

Because I dared say that not all death eaters were bad. Maybe they weren't! Maybe we've judged them for unknown reasons!

But I always mess up, don't I?

I'd had to leave Beauxbatons because I defended the Lestrange family and got expelled. I'd lost my friends Maddy, Ash, Tilly, Lola, who'd stuck by me when everyone else like Jasmine, Amber, Zahra, Olivia (a different Olivia), Timea, Deni-May, McKenna and everyone else had enough.

I lost Shaney, Scarlett, Nicole, Nadia and Shannon when everyone else like Aveen, Mia, Courtney and Ebony left me when I got expelled from Ilvermorny for defending the Carrows.

I lost Nattalia and Sophie when the rest of Castelbruxo hated me for defending the Malfoys.

I lost Kaz, Anushka and Leo when everyone else like Venus, Jada, Belladonna, Logan, Lila, Eliza, Rei, Sam, Quinn, Zazie and that lot left me. I'd not been expelled from Durmstrang because it supported the Dark arts, but the students had bullied me relentlessly. I'd attempted suicide because of them. Several times. Then Jada went disappearing for a while, and her friends would tell me I made her commit suicide. Her cousin Robin was the first to spread the rumour. Then she came back and suddenly she'd been "forced".

I got notes everyday telling me to kill myself. That's when I had enough, and wrote to my mother, telling her to take me home. Then I was sent to Hogwarts, and obviously I made friends straight away - my childhood friends of course! 

But now I've defended the Greybacks. And Esmae and Lana hate me for it, because it has made people hate their family more. Their siblings hate me too. 

Lilith and Kai hate me for making things worse for their friends. My own cousins hate me for defending them. Nev has tried to speak to their siblings, but they just won't listen. Ellie has tried to talk to Ruby, but she still despises me. 

Caity tried talking to Teddy and Malina, but they're angry because of how Fenrir hurt their dad. 

How I've pissed off an entire school, I'll never know. I pulled the dagger out from my bedside drawer, and pressed it against my wrist. It stung and blood began to form. I glanced around and upon noticing nobody was there, I pulled out a vial of poison. I then climbed out of the dormitory window and up the stairs that led from the balcony up to the astronomy tower. It didn't seem that anybody was there, so I sat with my legs dangling. Then I placed the poison beside me and scribbled a note.

"Whoever is reading this, 

                                                      I've switched through five schools for defending death eaters. They're people too, you know? Maybe they deserve a chance too. And every time, only certain people would stick by me. It hurt me a lot. At Hogwarts, I thought I'd found those who would stick by me forever. My cousins and their friends. But I was wrong. 

So I guess this is goodbye. Thank you Ellie, Nev, Caity, Max and Taya for sticking by me. But I'm sorry.

- Jai"

I folded the letter and then put the poison to my lips.

"Don't" 

I turned to see Ellie with tears streaming down her face.

"Jai, no," Nev whispered, also crying. Caity ran up to me and hugged me.

"I already lost my mum, not you too...please Jai,"

"I have nothing left. Nobody will listen!"

"I'll talk to Hannah, I swear! I'll not leave her alone until she forgives you! I agree, the death eaters aren't all bad!" Taya looked at me, tears also filling his eyes as well as my friends.

"I'll harass the shit out of Teddy and Malina!" Caity promised.

"Ruby will be forced into forgiving you," Ellie whispered, holding her hand out. 

"I will make every single Weasley forgive you!" Nev gazed at me pleadingly.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, ready to drink the poison.

"ACCIO POISON!"

They all whirled around to Max whose wand was raised, pointed at me.

"Don't do it," 

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I really wanted to kill myself but it's thanks to the people this story is about that I didn't. I'm going to write from another POV soon.

NOTE: Hannah, Lauren, Ruby, and everyone else are amazing people! They've done nothing wrong, i just needed some way i could have lost them other than my phone breaking. As soon as my phone works again, this will be updated with everyone forgiving Jai <3

TO EVERYONE WHO SEEMS BAD IN THIS FANFICTION: I'M SO SORRY I HAVE EXPLAINED WHY ALREADY