Letters From Alice

Letter Number Fifteen

Dear God,
I was alone today but that was fine with me. See, today I got really sick. The screwed up thing about it was that it had nothing to do with my tumor. I had the pneumonia. I have been coughing all day and it sounded like I hadn't drank water in days and I had been eating sand. I had sharp pains in my chest making me feel like I was being stabbed almost every time I breathed. I had a bad fever so I had chills, I was sweating, and to top it off I was dehydrated constantly. In all honesty it sucks and I am glad no one came to see me today.

What happened yesterday was what I really have been thinking about. First of all just the thought of Trey makes my heart pound and my stomach fell like there are flocks of birds and not butterflies flapping around. I think I really like him. I didn't even realize I started to like him. It has been only two weeks since I have met him and he is all I think about.

Anyway, when he came over yesterday he decided to bring a movie. It was called If I Stay. I had heard of it and knew that it had not had very good reviews but we watched it anyway. He sat in my hospital bed and his leg was pushed up against mine. Because of that my entire leg had tingles and I didn't focus a lot of the movie because he was all I was thinking about. God, am I crazy to think that I may love him. I have never believed in love because I have never seen TRUE love but I think my opinions might change.

I made a move that was probably the most embarrassing things I have ever done next. When the movie was over I started yelling at the tv with him. We both agreed that their had to be more to the story. She couldn't just wake up and everything would be fine. Since we were in such close contact when we turned to speak to each other my face, not lips of something romantic in any kind, smashed into his. Don't get me wrong, our lips did touch but it was not like I could enjoy it because we were both pulling back with red cheeks from blushing and both shouting an "ouch". Without saying anything he quickly got up grabbed and left through the door without the movie and without saying goodbye. I scared him away again.

So as you can see, I am dealing with three bad things now: my tumor witch grows worse by the day, my pneumonia that just suddenly pops up in the middle of everything, and Trey who is the most confusing boy ever. Or all all boys like that? I haven't had any experience with them so I do not know. Thank you for the time on earth you have given me so far and I would be so grateful if you could give me even more time to live. I need you most now because my stage before tumor failure is almost over.

Please help.
-Alice