'where we are now' remus lupin & regulus black

Fuzzybrain

He jumps slightly as he hears my voice and lets out a long sigh of frustration. Sirius tosses the box of Sugar Quills back on the shelf, "Does the word disowned ring any bells for you, Evans?" He jeers. I roll my eyes, so he's still milking that? "No? How about cut off? Or what about disgrace? But theres always my personal favorite broke--"

I raise my hand to cut him off. "Okay, okay, I get it. You suck at taking jokes, so please just continue the theaving. It's much more graceful than your whining,"

Sirius chuckles a tiny bit. Opens his mouth but closes it. "Im glad it's you," He finally says.

I stare blankly, "What?"

His eyes scan over me from foot to head and his eyes land on my hickey."If it's not me, it's got to be someone. And if it's someone, i'm glad it's someone mildly funny."

My cheeks heat up and I quickly try to wrap my scarf around my neck. Merlin, could this day be any worse? I hate to admit it but i'm hurt all over. Mentally, it's why did he leave? It's better he didn't stay. Is he mad at me? Am I mad at him?

Physcially, it's all the traces of himself he left all over my body. Covering them all was the best option to put myself under anesthesia, but that has been rendered completely useless. Each hickey and scratch pestering my skin as they rub against the layers of my clothes. Now Sirius has seen one and I feel like i'm being left completely undone.

My throat feels closed and I swallow thickly, "Believe me when I say this, I have nothing on you."

The bell to the front door chimes and I turn my head as Sirius fights back a small smile. It doesn't matter that I slept with Remus, he just wanted me to confirm what he already knew. Lily and James stroll in with excellent smiles on their faces.

"Hey guys!" Lily chirps.

"How was this little bonding experiment?" James asks as he slings his arm around Lily's shoulders.

"Fine, but if you'll excuse me I have some studying to catch up on," I say before pushing past them.

Lily tries to stop me, "We can all walk together Cordelia—" but her voice is drowned out when the door to Honeyduke's closes behind me.

☽☽☽

The library is empty, everyone is out enjoying the snowy weather while i'm curled up in a chair reading. I've been actively avoiding Iris all day, after being around Sirius for so long I feel completely drained. I don't think I could stop the sobs from exiting my body if she asked me if I was okay.

The spine of my book is so worn you can almost see the pages through it. There's something authentic about it though, like it's a real piece of me. I guess it is. I'm so entranced by the words i've read so many times before that I don't see Remus hovering over me, watching me read. He clears his throat. I look up at him.

I abruptly jump out of my chair for no reason other than nerves. "H-hi," I stutter with a small blush from burning embarrassment.

Remus smiles softly and pulls out a chair across from mine, "Hey, can we talk?"

"Yeah sure," I say before lowering myself back into the chair. There is a specific moment in your life when you realize you have matured past the point of using violence as a defence. I think my ability to fight the urge of punching him square in the jaw proves that.

"Look—" He starts.

"You left." I deadpan.

He lowers his head, ashamed. "I did,"

I pick at my nails, looking at him physically hurts. "Any specific reason?"

"Cordelia first off let me just apologize," Remus began slowly, reaching for my hand. I let him take it. "I should have never came to your room in such a state, you could have felt pressured or-or you could have hexed me into oblivion and I wouldn't blame you if you did! That is not how I wanted our first time to go...wait! Not that I didn't enjoy it because I did, like a lot—"

"It's okay," I whisper.

He stares at me blankly for a moment. Scoffs. "No it's not and please don't go making excuses for me. I don't deserve them. The truth is I left because I was feeling guilty and ashamed."

My heart clenches, "For sleeping with me?" I choke out.

"No! Merlin Cordelia, no!" Remus exclaims. "For putting us in a position that could've ruined our friendship. For putting you in that position-wait! Not like that!"

I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. In spite of the other things that happened today, hearing Remus nervous ramble seems to compensate.

"It just kind of...hurt Remus. You came to my room after drinking clearly upset about Sirius and then we, yanno, and you just vanished." I say as I pull my hand back from his. "Just another reminder that i'm always going to be second best to him,"

Remus leans back in his chair. "I know. I know. But i'm willing to do anything for a second chance at your friendship. No meaningless sex this time, I promise."

Way to add insult to injury Remus.

"Do you regret it?" I ask quietly.

"I could never," He says softly.

And that's all it takes for me to fall back into his web. I'll only ever need to hear the bare minimum from him. How did I let it get this far? I used to be independent. Now, after a few short months, I can't remember what life was like without him.

I smile, "Well for starters you're going to be buying all my pot for hmmm..." I trail off, "Shall we say a month?"

Remus nods, "Fair,"

I continue, "You'll have to do my potions homework for a month too,"

"Well obviously," He adds sarcastically.

"And I want at least one of your chocolate bars a day until I forgive you."

He taps his chin, "Hm. You drive a hard bargain but I guess I have no other choice."

I slump back into my chair and cross my arms triumphantly, "You don't." I tease.

"I'm willing to do it all and more, but under one condition." Remus says as he picks up my book and inspects the pages.

I scoff, "You are in no position to be making demands my friend."

Remus stands up and rest his hands against the table as he leans over me, "Just consider this one,"

Merlin. In what world is it fair to exist at the same time as someone this beautiful?

"Fine. Let's hear it," I say trying to sound as disinterested as possible.

He flashes that devilish smirk that makes my knees weak, "Have you heard about the Yule ball?"

Song: Fuzzy brain by day glow
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it would mean sm if you would check out my new story called "Righteous Retribution" if you like the anime death note. It's a Light Yagami x OC and just like with this story, I was looking for a GOOD fanfic but I couldn't find one...so once again Im attempting to write one!