Already Gone

You Lost Me

I was five when I lost my first tooth.

   When it first started to become loose, I thought something was seriously wrong. I was scared that I was going to lose all my teeth. How would I eat? How would I brush my teeth if I didn't even have any teeth to brush?

   It was actually my teacher who explained that the baby tooth had to fall out so that the big tooth could take its place, reassuring me that though I'd have a gap for a little bit, I would still have teeth to brush. 

   Those reassurances didn't make the fact that my tooth was loose any less scary. I was terrified of it falling out and was horrified when one of my classmates suggested that I pull it out. 

   It was as if my everything depended on that one baby tooth and my five-year-old self couldn't comprehend life without it. 

Now, how does this relate to my current day situation, you may ask? 

I'm not sure.

   But that's what I was thinking about when I should have been listening to my mother's lawyer grill Callie about me.

My attention span was failing me on the day I needed it the most.

"How long have you know Summer?" My mother's lawyer was asking when my attention kicked in again.

"About three and a half months," Callie replied and I knew what the lawyer was about to say before she even said it.

"So after knowing Summer for three and a half months, give or take, you think that you're capable of taking care of her," The lawyer raised her eyebrows, "Not to mention the fact that she's a recovering drug addict."

The last part was harsh and unnecessary. 

"I do," Callie confirmed without any hesitation. 

"May I ask why?"

   Callie nodded, "I may have only known Summer for a few months but we've accomplished a lot in regards to her recovery."

"Do you think that what you've done couldn't be completed had Summer been with her mother?" The lawyer asked. 

"Summer was with her mother at the beginning. Had it worked, she wouldn't have ever met me," Callie pointed out, "So no, I don't think it would have."

   The lawyer rubbed her palms together, "The mother that Summer was with, to begin with, is not the same mother that she could go home to now."

   When Callie didn't say anything, the lawyer continued, expanding on her most recent comment. 

"Ms. Collins has realized how badly she hurt her own daughter and was willing, eager even, to receive the treatment she needed in order to start making amends," My mother's lawyer said, "So Dr. Torres, don't you think that's the kind of dedication that devotion someone would need to take care of someone like Summer?"

   Callie remained silent, seemingly unsure of how to respond to that. My mother's lawyer took the silence as a chance to announce that she was done and walked back to her table and Judge Brooks allowed Callie to step down from the stand and return to her seat next to me.

"I'm sorry," Callie apologized softly when she sat down and took my hand into hers.

   I shook my head, "No...I'm sorry."

~~~

"Summer, how old are you?" Nick started with easy questions just like he promised.

"Fourteen," I replied, taking deep breathes to try and stay calm. 

   Nick nodded, "And in your fourteen years of life, how many times do you remember seeing your mother?"