Already Gone

Where Have You Been

"So how was school?" Callie asked.

   We were back at the apartment now and eating dinner. It was tense and awkward as nobody knew what to say.

   I shrugged and remembered the incident in the cafeteria at lunch, "Fine."

"That's good," Arizona smiled. Mind you, I wasn't looking at her, but at my plate, as I pushed the food around with my fork. I knew she was smiling though because I could hear it in her voice.

"I was invited to a party," I mumbled quietly.

Silence.

   Curious, I looked up and raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

   Callie quickly shook her head, "Nothing."

"I don't think I'm going to go anyway so you don't have to say no," I mumbled and went back to picking at my food.

"We weren't going to say no," Arizona said and I bit my lip as I tried to hold back a laugh. Failing, I ended up letting out some sort of strangled choke.

   Callie smiled softly, "What?"

"You would let me go to a high school party that is hosted by someone you don't know, someone I barely know," I raised my eyebrows, "But you won't let me walk back from school alone or stay in the apartment by myself."

"Well..." Arizona looked over at Callie and I knew I had made a good point.

   I shrugged, "I get it. I can't be trusted. Don't worry, I'm not taking it personally." 

"No...Summer, we don't want you to feel like you can't be trusted," Arizona said.

   I shrugged again, keeping my eyes on my food, "Why? I understand why. I lied to you, I kept lying to you...I get it. I have to earn trust. Plus, as I said, I don't really want to go anyway."

"Why? I think it would be a great way to make some friends," Callie said, "Meet some new people."

Yeah...no thanks.

"I don't really want to," I bit my lip, "It's only a few years here and then I don't have to see them ever again."

"But don't you think it would be a little more bearable if you had friends?" Arizona seemed to be suggesting something that I didn't really want to think about.

   I twiddled the fork between my thumb and pointer finger, "Does it really matter? I've managed just fine without friends so far, why do I suddenly need them?"

"You didn't have friends before?" Callie asked carefully.

   I kept my eyes down, "Not really...I wasn't much of a commitment type of person I guess. I didn't mind being alone."

   The truth was though that I wasn't alone. I had Stella. That's all that mattered because that's who my life revolved around the moment she was born. I wanted Stella to have a normal childhood, as normal as possible, and if that meant that I had to put her before me, then that's what I would have to do. 

And now she was dead.

   Callie started saying something but before she could finish, the phone rang and she excused herself from the table to get it.

"Hello?"

   I tried not to listen too intently but it was hard as Callie was the only person talking in the entire apartment.

"Um...we're eating dinner right now," Callie looked over at me and Arizona, "But I mean I can ask...okay..."

   Callie moved the phone down from her ear, covering the speaker by placing it by her collar-bone.