After Kissing

1.

"Do what?" she stepped and took my wrist, stoping my trembling hand and taking the paper from me to read what it said. Her face morphed from confusion and concern to plain disbelief and rage. "Fuck."

"Yes, fuck." I cried, taking it back and looking down at the target, feeling as if my guts were being snatched and butchered while my body still refused to coordinate as a grown-up woman should. I was in shock and those words glaring back at me.

'𝑴𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑮𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑴𝒂𝒓𝒄𝒐 𝑻𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒍𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒘𝒆𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈.'

My heart pinched at the beautiful card. It was ivory, with a golden touch and elegant flowers surrounding both names.

Meredith, my cousin Merry.

And Marco, my ex.

My ex was marrying my cousin and they sent me an invitation to the ceremony.

My ex and my cousin. My cousin and my ex.

I was starting to feel the same anxiety as when I found them together two Christmases ago. I'd brought him home to introduce him as my boyfriend, as something stable that was supposed to last and evolve... but by New Year I was suffocating my heartbreak with ice-cream and they were forging what now was about to become a valid engagement.

And they were inviting me to see it.

A shaky breath made it pass my lips. "I can't believe they're doing this to me."

Meredith had never been my favourite cousin. We were both from the same year and that should have made us friends, but with how little we see each other and out crashing personalities it was more like a rivalry.

When we were kids she used to have acne and a big gap between her front milk teeth, then when we grew up, she developed before me and that evened the game, but now? Now that I'd thought we were over this childhood competition she went and...

I glared at the paper in my hand.

Meredith and Marco.

Meredith.

And Marco.

Even their names didn't fit together. There was no harmony in there. No balance and they sounded like a bad joke.

A bad joke that was ending with a wedding and me as a bridesmaid.

"Easy." Kimberly took the invitation from my hand once more and then I realized I was about to crumble it. I had already crunched the left bottom with my clenching grip. "Now let's not give them that pleasure and think this through."

"Think what through?" I laughed, but it sounded like a cry and I slid my fingers through my hair, feeling the thin line separating my sanity and my self-pity began to seem too blurred. "That I'm still single? That they probably invite me out of pity? That my whole family will feel the same because I introduced him as my boyfriend and now they're getting married?"

"You said you were over him. You're better off without him."

"You don't get it." I pressed my eyes tight, feeling the roots of my hair screamed and I forced my hands to let go and try to take a deep breath... without really succeeding. "It's not about him, it's about it. It's humiliating, in so many levels and I... I just- I don't know."

Kimberly looked at me in a weird manner, like panicked and confused at how should she comfort me. As if she didn't know how to react at all.

And I couldn't blame her. It was usually me the one calming things down, and she was the one that encourages my wild part. Her calming me, that wasn't what we were used to and I could tell she was as clueless as I was.