collateral damage 🔞 - COMPLETE

•sixteen• before (M)

~~~~~Haerin

I miss Unnie... It's been almost 3 months since Beom-seok told me how she said she's tired of my neediness. I was heartbroken, but thankfully he helped me get an apartment only a few blocks from the bakery. I know he didn't want to tell me, but in the end I'm glad he did. If I'd stayed there, would my kids become a burden to her also? Probably. I've cost her so much that I'll never be able to pay her back. I'm thankful for her in my life, but it was time to stand on my own.

Walking home, I felt like someone was following me, but I never saw anyone. I guess pregnancy hormones are really messing with me. As soon as I'm in my apartment, I kick off my shoes and head to the bathroom. I love baking, but I hate that I smell like the cookies even after I've left. I remember how Beom-seok told me he loves that I smell, and taste, like a pastry... I'm suddenly blushing . He's really been amazing, and makes me feel loved.

I strip out of my clothes and step into the hot shower. The handheld shower has become my best friend when I'm horny. I grab it, and am about to aim it at my sex when I hear Beom-seok Oppa's deep voice.

"I know what you're thinking of doing Haerin-ah... And it counts as touching yourself... So DON'T!"

A fire lights behind my cheeks that I was caught, but I don't say anything. He's so dominant, and honestly... I like it. But, I'm not in the mood for a punishment tonight, so I put the shower head on the wall. I go about cleaning my body and my hair, and turn off the water. My heart is pounding rapidly in my chest knowing he's waiting for me in my room.

As I grab the towel, my babies roll around, and I think of Jeongguk. Every time they move, I think of him. I want so badly to find a way to let him know, but then I remember he never contacted me once he left. He could have just sent a message, letter, or text that he needed to break up in order to focus on his career. It would have made me sad, but I would have accepted it and moved on. Now, I just feel stuck.

"Hey... Why are you crying babygirl? I wasn't trying to upset you."

Beom-seok moves into the bathroom and pulls me into his arms. I let myself cry without telling him why. He probably can guess because he's heard it enough times. I feel guilty that he's here, caring for me, and I'm still thinking about Jeongguk. He rubs my back and places soft kisses on my bare shoulders.

"I'm sorry Oppa... I wish I wasn't always crying."

"Shhhh... I understand... I'm here though, so try to focus on me ."

I pull back and look up into his eyes. He wipes my tears with his thumbs and leans down to join our lips. It's a tender kiss, and I melt into it. Guilt swims through me though because I can't help but wish he were Jeongguk. I remember the way he used to kiss me, and all the touches that were new to me. They are still what every man will be measured by. The problem is that I was in love with him, and everything he said was coated in that... Love...

"Haerin... It's a total turn off to kiss you and have you not think about me..."

I'm stunned that he realized I was somewhere else, and I want to apologise. Before I can, he moves away, frustrated. I know I'm about to get it because he is probably feeling disrespected. He has warned me many times to not disrespect him, and to follow what he says. I somehow always screw it up though. I hang my head and whisper to him.

"i'm sorry oppa"

It's better for me to apologize, even when I might not feel sorry. Tonight, I do feel bad for not focusing on him.

His large hand goes around and grips the nape of my neck, tugging my hair back to force me to look up. He glares at me, and I know he's mad at me. Before I can say anything, he slams his mouth on mine again and I don't think of anything but him. His tongue is thrusting into my mouth, and his firm grip on my hair hurts, but I try to relax and enjoy what he's giving me.