prayers for the lost.

sadness= I'm fine

I'm getting bad again.

I'm empty again

Something is missing from my soul.

When someone asks if im okay its always

'I'm fine'

Cause thats what im supposed to say right?

They say that if I keep letting depression get to me

That I'll never make it in the real world.

But I'm willing to bet that they couldn't make it

A single night in mine though.

When I'm empty and cold, and my heart's about to shatter.

Praying that someone will make my screen light up with a fleck of hope to carry on.

I do all this stuff for others all the time

Regardless of how it will affect me

And then I wake up and im empty

I have nothing left...

So do not mock pain you haven't endured.

I have pleaded "please don't go, no one has ever stuck with me for so long."

And yet they left without a second thought.

And honestly I hold in a lot when I'm upset
I dont really like to tell anyone.

Especially someone I'm scared of losing.

Or someone I'm afraid will never look at me the same way.

So no matter how much anyone will ask the answer will alway be

"I'm fine" even when its not true.

You asked me today why I don't look people in the eyes

And I almost choked on the words.

I'm so scared that you'll find out about the emptiness and pain and

everything that I have been trying to hide

Because you can fake a smile but the eyes never lie.

I have lived behind a mask for so long that

I don't think I can take it off anymore.

I have lost myself.

The thing about emptiness is when people ask to explain how it feels

They don't understand how stressful it is to be asked that when you have no idea yourself.

They tell you to stay strong and hold in there for just a little longer.

But even if they have suffered with depression previously

They don't seem to remember what it feels like to be so weak.

Everyone has been saying that-

"You'll feel better." and "don't worry"

And "it's fine to feel that way."

But like its not...

We shouldn't have to put up with wanting to kill ourselves every night because of depression.

Or worry about our friends crippling anxiety and night terrors that keep both of us up till sunrise to make sure nothing happens to them.

yet dispite the bad I have been going through the past weeks

I have been hurt so badly and still love with all I have.

I admire my heart for that.

I have felt the happiest in my life

With a silent hug that has more meaning

Than all the poetry and compassionate songs the world has ever made.

I'm still depressed and suffering from  panic attacks.

But I'm still inching forward.

And some days I have to be content in knowing that

Just breathing and staying alive is good enough...

Hey guys I have been having a rough time lately struggling with my depression... Can probably blame the weather for that... But ya its been hard to get out of bed the last couple of days and do laundry or even complete a full meal. So if you could send some prayers I would appriciate it... Anyway I hope this helped any of you who are going through it too. Goodbye. All of you are in my prayers every night as well.